The Karpman Drama Triangle and the different ‘actors

[Rescuer7]

https://medium.com/@OllyAlexander/the-drama-triangle-the-way-out-is-in-dfa37074ecf8

 

1. The Victim: The Victim in this model is not intended to represent an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like one, in order to obviate responsibility for their actions as a consenting adult in a relationship, instead retreating into the 7-year-old version of themsleves. As Aristotle wrote “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” The Victim seeks to convince themselves and others that they cannot do anything, nothing can be done, all attempts are futile, despite trying hard to the point of literal obsession. One payoff for this stance is avoiding real change or acknowledgement of their true feelings, which may bring anxiety and risk, while feeling they are doing all they can to escape it. As such, the Victim’s stance is “Poor me!” As the 12-step aphorism goes “Poor me, pour me” — the actor claiming the victim role may resort to various addictions to numb the pain of Truth, which is unbearable to the abysmally failing actor, as they refuse to do the inner work that is required. The Victim sees themselves as victimised, persecuted, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, achieve insight, or value their loved ones. They cannot see that they are enough; that what they have is enough. They are passive and can deny any responsibility for their negative circumstances and deny having the ability to change their circumstances. The Victim will remain with a Persecutor or, if not being persecuted, will set someone else up in the role of Persecutor to do their evil mischievous deeds for them. This is the territory of internet trolls, hiding one step away from reality. They will also seek help in inappropriate unhealthy places, creating one or more Rescuers to save the day, who will in reality perpetuate the Victim’s negative feelings and leave the situation totally unchanged. Remember, the ego is a liar, and may assume the role of Rescuer. Rescuers never rescue anyone. The Victim does not take personal responsibility or accountability as an adult.
2. The Rescuer: The Rescuer’s line is “Let me help you.” A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if they do not go to the rescue, and ultimately becomes angry and aggressive (and becomes a Persecutor) as their help fails to achieve change: It can’t. Their attempt at rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the Victim dependent and doesn’t allow the Victim permission to fail and experience the consequences of their choices and actions. The rewards derived from this Rescuer role are that the focus is taken away from the Rescuer, who can also feel good for having tried, and justified in their negative feelings (towards the other actor/s) upon failing. When they focus their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety, shortcomings, and troubles for a very short while. But it’s never enough to satiate them so they keep repeating the same behavioural patterns with anyone they can get their claws on. The Rescuer role is also pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems, badly disguised as concern for the Victim’s needs. They are never concerned for the Victim, only themselves.
3. The Persecutor: (a.k.a. the Villain) The Persecutor insists, “It’s all your fault.” The Persecutor is controlling, arrogant, blaming, belittling, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritarian, rigid, deluded, manipulative, lying, superior, to the point where they actually believe their utterly distorted view of life. But, if blamed in turn, the Persecutor may become defensive, and may switch roles to become a Victim if attacked forcefully by the Rescuer and/or Victim, in which case the Victim may also switch roles to become a Persecutor. A Persecutor is someone who puts other people down and belittles them.

Initially, a Drama Triangle arises when a person takes on the role of a Victim or Persecutor. This person then feels the need to enlist other players into the conflict. As often happens, a Rescuer is encouraged to enter the situation. These enlisted players take on roles of their own that are not static, and therefore various scenarios can occur. The Victim might turn on the Rescuer, for example, while the Rescuer then switches to persecution. This leads to people befriending others who are actually totally toxic to them and their life, whom they would never normally frequent.

The reason that the situation persists is that each participant has their (frequently unconscious) psychological wishes or ‘needs’ (usually attention, which they cannot get in the real world by being their authentic selves) met without having to acknowledge the broader dysfunction or harm done in the situation as a whole. Each participant is acting upon their own selfish egocentric fear-driven needs, rather than acting in a genuinely responsible or altruistic manner as an adult.

The motivations of the Rescuer are the least obvious. In the terms of the Drama Triangle, the Rescuer has a mixed or covert motive and benefits egoically in some way from being “the one who rescues”. The Rescuer has a surface motive of resolving the problem and appears to make great efforts to solve it, but also has a hidden motive to not succeed, or to succeed in a way in which they benefit. They may get a self-esteem boost, for example, or receive respected rescue status, or derive enjoyment by having someone depend on them and trust them and act in a way that ostensibly seems to be trying to help, but at a deeper level plays upon the victim in order to continue getting a payoff. The Rescuer is using the Victim, who is all too happy to go along with it through lack of: Clarity; introspection; and personal responsibility.

The relationship between the Victim and the Rescuer may be one of codependency. The Rescuer keeps the Victim dependent by encouraging their victimhood. The Victim gets their needs met by having the Rescuer take care of them.

Participants generally tend to have a primary or habitual role (Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor) when they enter into Drama Triangles, which may be repeated frequently throughout life. Participants first learn their habitual role in their family of origin, through childhood trauma, at an early age. Even though participants each have a role with which they most identify, once on the triangle, participants rotate through all the three positions. Each Drama Triangle has a “payoff” for those playing it. The “antithesis” of a Drama Triangle lies in discovering how to deprive the actors of their payoff.

As you can imagine, being stuck in or flipping between the roles of oppressive Persecutor, helpless Victim, or ‘good’ self-sacrificing Rescuer doesn’t make you a talented leader, friend, or lover: Quite the opposite.

So how do you move out of these extraordinarily unhelpful roles when you find yourself slipping into one of them? How can you change the negative habitual roles you keep falling into? By stepping out of them, you and everyone you encounter in a personal or professional context will benefit. The quality of leadership presence may actually depend upon your ability to do so. So will the success of all your relationships.

It’s your job to be aware of the roles you play, or have been placed in, and if they trap you in the Drama Triangle, to find ways to shift yourself out of that position. Moving to the centre of the triangle means you stop acting the Victim, Rescuer or Persecutor. Noticing your immediate reactions and putting in a pause moment between the stimulus and your response, can help you to respond rather than react. It may just stop you in your tracks and avoid you sliding into the Drama Triangle dynamics. It allows you to remain seated at the seat of your soul: The entire reason for an awakening Hero’s Journey.

Refuse to accept your opponent’s force. Stop struggling. Surrender to presence. Neatly avoid awkward, indefensible, or unreasonable positions. Once you move to the centre, your opponent will fall away. They will dissolve: They are not real. It can be a simple and yet remarkable tactic. You will also be using ther force of tghe opponent against themselves, like a judo move, or as a peaceful Enlightened warrior (like a Samurai).

All this requires you to examine any ingrained thinking patterns that you want to change and adapt or replace them. You can simply refuse to be either superior or inferior — doing so breaks the Drama Triangle. Once you stop the game, the drama stops too. You can stop acting as the Victim — ‘poor me’, ignoring your own needs, giving in to people even when it’s not a good idea, or always taking the blame. To stop being a Victim you need to accept the relationship with the other person, face the fact you’re the one who will need to change, that you have to clean up your side of the street, face your fears, and take better actions. You can also stop trying to fix people. You can’t fix anyone else. No-one is broken. Rescuers are natural caretakers and it’s a hard habit to break since it involves heavy emotions like guilt and obligation. Living beyond the Drama Triangle roles is about managing your own boundaries and having a strong sense of your own agency and value. None of this means you care less about people. It simply means you’ll be able to make better choices for yourself and for others who are stuck in Drama Triangles of their own.

Learn the about the roles that keep you stuck in the Drama Triangle and have you repeating issues in your life. Also learn about the roles that support you in living in presence where you can permanently solve your life’s challenges. Understanding The Drama Triangle can be a game changer for identifying how you keep yourself stuck in all areas of your life. The Karpman Drama Triangle destroys relationships. You can escape it through presence, Acey Choy’s Winner’s Triangle, ‘The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic’ described by David Emerald, and through non-violent communication. These strategies map out what’s possible when you shift from threat and fear (drama) to trust and love (presence). Escape the grip of drama and take control of your life.

[summer27]

gp

[Rescuer7]

Spiritual fraud happens like this

evadu rescuer oo evadu victim ooo evadu perpetrator ooo ardam kaadu

thats why man should be freed from soul