India-Pakistan jokes(lets lighten the tensions)

[rudhira]

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet

Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45

seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.



Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on

nuclear war between India and Pakistan :



This was the scenario................



The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They

don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the

countdowns.



Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian

army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in

retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India.



They submit their request to the Indian President. The President

forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok

Sabha session.



The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the

opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.



The President asks for a quick decision.



In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical

failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.



Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a

party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks

the PM to prove his majority within a week.



As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker

government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government

cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.



The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme

Court alleging misuse of power.



The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting!

PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing

the nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell

367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in

Islamabad at 11.00AM.



Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the

office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had

detached somewhere in flight.



The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China

and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a

nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This

time all the parties agree.



Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as

preparations begin, "pro-humanity",



"anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.



In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians

condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many

Indians as possible".



On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing

over Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.



A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the

Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original

destination: Russia.



Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation

launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the

target and creates havoc.



Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has

happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.



Thus India never gets to launch the missile

[rudhira]

Vajpayee and Musharraf meet up in Islamabad for talks on nuclear arms. When
Vajpayee sits down he notices Musharraf 's chair has three buttons on the
armrest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses a button
and a boxing gloves pops out of Vajpayee chair and bashes him on his face.
Vajpayee, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few
minutes Musharraf presses a second button and out comes a large boot and
kicks him in the butt. Vajpayee is kicked off but still remains ++++++dly
calm. They resume the talk, but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses the final
button, and from under the table another boxing glove hits Vajpayee. The
Indian PM is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave.
"We'll continue this talk Next week in the New Delhi" says the Prime
Minister.

Musharraf, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no. So the appointment
stands. A week later Vajpayee receives Musharraf in the Prime Minister's
Office.

As Musharraf sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Vajpayees
chair. As the 20 min meeting goes on, Musharraf sees Vajpayee press the
first button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This
doesn't stop Vajpayee from laughing...really loudly. After this, Indian PM
continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Musharraf
reacts really quickly, and jumps up. Absolutely nothing happens, and this
time Vajpayee falls out of his chair laughing.

Musharraf doesn 't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he hasn't
been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After A few minutes
Indian PM presses the final button. This time, Musharraf stays sitting, but
Vajpayee isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing.

Musharraf is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and
shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Pakistan "

Vajpayee: (Through tears of laughter from the floor) - " PAKISTAN?? WHAT
PAKISTAN??? DO YOU THINK IT'S STILL THERE??"

[rudhira]

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries,
I.K.Gujral and Nawaz Sharif decided to visit each other's country regularly.
The first visit was by Gujral to Pakistan. There Sharif showed him
Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Gujral made
a call to Rajiv Gandhi in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes ! The bill
for the call came to only Re.1. When Gujral came back, he also wanted
India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Nawaz Sharif
visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Sharif came to India,
visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5
minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500! Sharif asked with a sarcastic
smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?" A High level
diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call,
Sir, while from India it is long distance!".

[rudhira]

Two Pakistanis boarded a plane for Washington. One took the window seat, the
other sat on the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a fat Sardarji got on &
took the aisle seat next to them. He kicked of his shoes,wiggled his toes &
was settling in when the Pakistani in the window seat said, "I think I'll go
up & get a coke." "No problem," said the Sardar, "I'll get it for u." While
he was away, the Pakistani picked up the shoe & spat in it. When the Indian
returned with the coke, the other Pakistani said, "That looks good.I think
I'll have one too." Again, the Sardar obligingly went to fetch it. And while
he was gone, the Pakistani picked up the other shoe & spat in it. The Indian
returned with the coke & they all sat back & enjoyed the short flight to New
York. As the plane was landing the Indian slipped his feet into his shoes &
knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on," the Sardar
asked, with pain and sorrow. "This enmity between our people... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes & pissing in the cokes!"

[rudhira]

A Pakistani news editor got 20 years in prison for calling the Prime Minister a fool.

5 years for the scandal and [color=red]15 for revealing a state secret![/color]

[rudhira]

A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of
Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly. After a long search he
could not find any, Eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of
a clean street to release himself. Once he had just started,
a police official approached him, Hey What do you think you're doing here?
Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P" Police: No PP here okay? Follow me...
The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass,
flowers and singing birds around.... Police: PP here.. have a nice day
police said. Pakistani tourist: Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is this
Indian courtesy? Police: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!

[Jambhalheart]

joke pathade... naku thelisina porki jokes cheptha...

porkies buy a new fighter plane and china. A chinese official teaches them how to fly it. "you see u press that button u will up, u press this button u will left , u press that button will go right" ... suddenly one paki asks,,, "How can we come down then " then chinese says .. "well, leave that to Indian army"


another one...

A porki and Indian travel in titantic ship. One dark night in the middle of the ocean, the ship his iceberg and its about to sink in few minutes.. Then porki asks Indian "hey do u know how can I reach land from here ? " Indian says " yes I do know the direction to land, its nearly 2 km from here" then porki jumps from ship top into water and then shouts up "hey which direction ?" Indian says "downwards"

[rudhira]

JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination

IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS - Iraq after Saddam

M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology

GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

[rudhira]

[quote author=Maddy_Rulez link=topic=210549.msg2575003#msg2575003 date=1310158285]
joke pathade... naku thelisina porki jokes cheptha...

porkies buy a new fighter plane and china. A chinese official teaches them how to fly it. "you see u press that button u will up, u press this button u will left , u press that button will go right" ... suddenly one paki asks,,, "How can we come down then " then chinese says .. "well, leave that to Indian army"


another one...

A porki and Indian travel in titantic ship. One dark night in the middle of the ocean, the ship his iceberg and its about to sink in few minutes.. Then porki asks Indian "hey do u know how can I reach land from here ? " Indian says " yes I do know the direction to land, its nearly 2 km from here" then porki jumps from ship top into water and then shouts up "hey which direction ?" Indian says "downwards"
[/quote] *7*^ *7*^ *7*^ *7*^ first di poddina nene vesaaa  Dr@w@ Dr@w@ Dr@w@

[rudhira]

A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"White, Please."
"Would you like American or Pakistani?"
This question confused the man ... and he replied,
"What has the nationality got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "The Pakistani one blows itself up!"

[rudhira]

Musharraf and his driver were going to Military Air Base and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Musharraf saw this and said, "My God, what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told them that I'm Musharraf's driver and I just killed the pig."

[rudhira]

Musharraf went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides the left side and the right side."
Musharraf interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"
The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."

[rudhira]

So once three scientists american, japanese, and pakistani are discussing their nation's scientific capability.

The american says, "In our country there was this boy who lost his legs in an accident, and we put artificial ones, and today u know hes an olympic gold medalist!"

So the japnese laughs and says, "This is nothing.in our nation there was this boy who lost his hands and legs in accident and we put artifical ones, and today u know, hes karate champion!"

Now the paki laughs and says, "These are nothing, in our nation there was this boy who had no brains, and so we put a coconut in his head, and today u know...... he is the 'Military ruler of pakistan!"

[rudhira]

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
>Shoot the men who are pushing it.

How do you disable Pakistani missiles ?
>Cut the rubber band.

Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?
>Neither has Pakistan.

Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention ?
>The new automatic para****es. They open on impact.

How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
>Put it in water.

Did you hear about the 747 jet which Crashed into a cemetery in Karachi ?
>The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.

Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
>Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.

Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
>Somebody stole the book.

You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with ONLY two bullets.What do you do?
>Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead.

What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani?
>A Doberman.

How can you tell when a Pakistani is lying?
>His lips are moving.

What do you have when a Pakistani is buried up to his neck in sand?
>Not enough sand.

Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis?
>He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

[rudhira]

An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a Conversation:

Pakistani: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't In Pakistan, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face. Indian listens in silence. Pakistani Persists "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian: "Of Course."

Pakistani: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India".

Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"

Pakistani : "Why of course we do", Pakistani says with a big smirk.

Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Pakistani: "We throw them away, of course."

Indian : "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.