Random Jokes/one-Liners..

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

[summer27]

Best way to get a woman to do something - suggest they are too old for it.

[ManOnFire]

[mtkr0]

mama...

[summer27]

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

[summer27]

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

[summer27]

“The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.”
- George W. Bush

[summer27]

“We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

“It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

Question: What is the true definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This message is sent to you using Bill Gates’s technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that use Chinese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Pakistani lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegal…..

That, my friend, is Globalization!