Estory - 1 : Fafa Ki Guidance Ivvandi

[BUGZ]

hi,
wanted to get some opinions from friends who have had a tough journey like me! i am married to a muslim for 15 yrs now, a son who is 12, life has been a v tough journey and i feel i have not gained anything in these 15 yrs except my child and dont know which way to go, stay or leave.
a selfish man, who is selfish even when it comes to his parents or family even his own child. likes to live a secluded life, doesnt like people around him, is not attached to anyone and anyones feelings do not mean anything. most important, cant hold on to his job. IT engineer by profession. we dont meet anyone, have tried in past but have lost relationships coz of him. disrespectful to my parents, i have a seperate apt for my parents every time they visit, not welcome in the house i live in, wants me to quit my family. i hav been on a roller coaster with him, loses his job and makes our life difficult.
i used to work in finance, made me quit my job, stayed home when my son was born but had to part-time work due to him not supporting us.
my family wants me to quit the marriage, i feel few more years when my son is old enough, i feel having a lousy father is better than not having any.
what do u guys think. wud love some open guidance



Fafa 1 Reply :

First things first....

Its not about what others suggest...its about what you feel in your marriage...i.e every day...day to day...when you wake up how do you feel? do you feel one more day where you will get to do something, have fun, up n down etc....or does it feel one more day to strike off from your life...just pass the day....with yoru head bowed down??

Your son is already 12, how b ig you want him to grow till you make a decision? one thing here is....your son is growing up looking at a wrong person as his idol, i.e his father.....isnt he a bad influence around?? what will you do if your son also disrespects you over time...?

Its not late to start your life. please stand up for yourself. the first step is financial independance. go n get a job...even if it means part time...if your hsuband doesnt like it, hell with him. you did what he wants all this while right? did it satisfy him? did it help him to get closer to his own wife n kid? No. so better take your life in your own hands atleast from now on. dont say yes when he asks you to quit and dont say yes when he wants you to alienate from outside world...take one step at a time regain what you want and if he is throwing tantrums and doesnt understand your needs, make it clear wha tyou want...if he still odesnt want to understand, negotiate he coming to counselling...if it still doesnt work...you know what to do!!!!

its better sometimes to cut your losses and move forward rather than live with the losses because its not just about how much you lost in the past...its about how much you may loose in the future...even if it means just one day

Fafa2 reply:

A very tough decision. Its very difficult to walk out of a 15 year old marriage but can be done.
The children are definitely scarred in a divorce, they will never acknowledge that on parent is a loser and a bad influence even if its the truth.
If a man wants to take a divorce at any time he never thinks of the kids , just himself.
But a Mom thinks of kids first and tolerates a lot of abuse . The DH knows this and continues to behave badly.

It will better to get a full time job first , become fully financially independent and then decide.

But if there is abuse and DV then your safety comes first.


Fafa 3 reply :

Hii,
Some muslims are like that..they dont go out muc and live in four walls.. I have seen couple of my friends such way..Not many men in muslims are ambitious to the extent I know.. This is not to hurt any religious feelings..
not able to suggest u any thing.. Try to talk to him or u can ask ur son to encourage his dad to take him and u out..Strongly tell him tht u r not going to cut ur relation ship with ur parents..
Is he behaving imilarly to his parents as well?

[BUGZ]

mee mohalu manda...estories estories antaru..esthey okkadu sadavadu ee ??? [img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/hghg.gif?1337937106[/img]

[Simple123]

[quote name='BUGZ' timestamp='1344625087' post='1302290628']
mee mohalu manda...estories estories antaru..esthey okkadu sadavadu ee ??? [img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/hghg.gif?1337937106[/img]
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[ChampakDas]

velli undamma bottu pedutha anna serial chudamanu...next item..

[BUGZ]

[quote name='Simple123' timestamp='1344625851' post='1302290761']

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[Chivas_regal]

try to explain him what you feel... night time cheppu....manchi ga cheppu[img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img]

oka 3 months time ivvu.. vinte vinnadu leka pothe inka neeku nachidi chesuko...[img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img]

[ChampakDas]

[img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/ali1m.gif?1342237574[/img]nuvu chala great thammi..
[quote name='Chivas_regal' timestamp='1344626356' post='1302290823']
try to explain him what you feel... night time cheppu....manchi ga cheppu[img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img]

oka 3 months time ivvu.. vinte vinnadu leka pothe inka neeku nachidi chesuko...[img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img]
[/quote]

[Chivas_regal]

[quote name='ChampakDas' timestamp='1344626527' post='1302290846']
[img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/ali1m.gif?1342237574[/img]nuvu chala great thammi..
[/quote][img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img][img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/_KVkPY2XIbRQ/TWAgXprYLuI/AAAAAAAABCo/VzL0ae41lc4/brahmilaugh.gif[/img]