ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Report Posted May 7, 2013 A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter. "Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, A Commuter The Reply to the above: Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Western Railways" And the Counter-Reply was: "Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass... That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years! Yours truly, A Commuter
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 Two friends, one blonde, are walking down the street when the brunette sees her husband going into a florists - "Oh no, my husband is buying me flowers again for no reason, and he always has expectations, I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says : "Don't you have a vase?"
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a Cubs "Loveable Losers" game. They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the game. In order to be able to follow the game better the young bride says, "I've got an idea, honey, You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you on the balls."
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 'FINE' This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 At a recent USC football game a college student challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world, You didn't have nuttin' and we have everything!" the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and....uh.." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them for you, you little ######! What the heck are you doing for the next generation??" I love senior citizens!
posaanisam Posted May 7, 2013 Report Posted May 7, 2013 [size=4] [/size] [size=4] [/size] [size=4] [/size] [size=4] [/size] 1
dreamgirl Posted May 7, 2013 Report Posted May 7, 2013 [quote name='BHAI' timestamp='1367929780' post='1303717201'] oh ida..ma balaya meeda taadu emo ankuna [/quote] [img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/--o7mXz3u-j4/T9VVBGzBJAI/AAAAAAAAGo0/kmj8a1-XW2g/s150/PK-1.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted May 7, 2013 Author Report Posted May 7, 2013 [quote name='BHAI' timestamp='1367929780' post='1303717201'] oh ida..ma balaya meeda taadu emo ankuna [/quote] asthamanu adey comedy antey kastha vigataga untadi kada
ATOM Posted May 7, 2013 Report Posted May 7, 2013 [img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/brahmam_buildup5.gif?1290348491[/img] gp dude ...
rapchik Posted May 7, 2013 Report Posted May 7, 2013 [quote name='ManOnFire' timestamp='1367921074' post='1303717100'] A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card." [/quote] [quote name='ManOnFire' timestamp='1367921103' post='1303717102'] Two friends, one blonde, are walking down the street when the brunette sees her husband going into a florists - "Oh no, my husband is buying me flowers again for no reason, and he always has expectations, I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says : "Don't you have a vase?" [/quote] [quote name='ManOnFire' timestamp='1367921128' post='1303717105'] At a recent USC football game a college student challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world, You didn't have nuttin' and we have everything!" the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and....uh.." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them for you, you little ######! What the heck are you doing for the next generation??" I love senior citizens! [/quote][img]http://lh3.ggpht.com/-iaOjlbCfNLI/UYa74Y0r4II/AAAAAAAAAUk/EGIJiKFu7AA/s150/PK.gif[/img]
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