Funny Stories

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]A funny story involving a cop and two ladies:[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH.”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26!”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]The driver leaned back into her car seat aA funny story involving a cop and two ladies:[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH.”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26!”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]The driver leaned back into her car seat and the cop saw another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“What happened to her?’ the officer asked.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.”[/color]w another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost.[/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
“What happened to her?’ the officer asked.[/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.”[/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]A man carrying two huge suitcases to meet with a circus boss to apply for a job. The boss asked:[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“What do you know?”[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]The man took out some big stones from one of the suitcases, threw the stones high in the air and used his head to catch the stones.[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]The boss nodded. Great. What is in the other suitcase?[/color][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3]
[color=#000000]“Painkiller!”[/color][/size][/font][/color]

[BMW]

[img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/brahmam_bone1.gif?1290059032[/img]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
here was a couple…the lady was very talkative and she kept talking with people on the phone hour after hour when she is alone at home.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
End of everymonth they used to get a massive telephone bill and the husband was so worried on this.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
One day they were dining at the table and the phone rang..[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The lady’s reaction was immediate…she ran to the phone and started chatting..[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
After about 30-min she hang up and came back to the table.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The husband was happy that she hang up in 30 min which was a good sign where she normally doesn’t hung up at least for 2-hours. So he happily inquired…was she busy to hang up so early???[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
No..it was a wrong number.. replied the lady..[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
“Great,” says the old man. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, “Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a
lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
“What?!” cries the old man. “Why? that’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
“Exactly!” says the doctor.[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#fff0f5][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Man at restaurant: Excuse me waiter, could you come here?[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Waiter: Is everything okay?[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Man: Everything is fine, but would you please try my soup?[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Waiter: I’m , sir, we really can’t do that.[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Man: No I won’t say anything, please try my soup.[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Waiter: Well, is there something wrong with the soup?[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Man: No, but will you please try the soup?![/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Waiter: Okay, okay… Where’s the spoon?[/background][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Man: Ah-hah.[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Officer: We need you in the army.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Joker: I’ll join but on three conditions.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Officer: Ok. what are the conditions?[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Joker: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform because it is hot.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Officer: Ok. What is the second condition?[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Joker: I’ll not do the perade and other training under the sun because it is hot. I’ll only do it under the shed or some kind of shadow cover.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Officer: Ok. What is your third condition?[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]Joker: And my last and most important condition is that during war times, I’ll remain on leave.[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

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A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The journalist leaves.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
….and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[Headmaster]

[quote name='m8espartan' timestamp='1375984663' post='1304088100']

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?”[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]“Great,” says the old man. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, “Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a
lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]“What?!” cries the old man. “Why? that’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]“Exactly!” says the doctor.[/background][/size][/font][/color]
[/quote]
[img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/ali3.gif?1290172649[/img]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Once a Japanese came to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a taxi and asked the driver to take him to the airport.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
On the way, a Toyota car passed them very fast, the Japanese yelled “Toyota” made in Japan very fast. Then the Mitsubishi passed, the Japanese again yelled “Mitsubishi” made in Japan very fast. On the 3rd time, he yelled again when he saw another Japanese car.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The taxi driver got angry but he didn’t say anything.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
When they reached the airport, the taxi driver asked a charge of 800 rupees. The Japanese exclaimed: “What! That is too much.”[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
The Indian driver yelled back loudly: Meter, made in India, very, very fast![/background][/size][/font][/color]

[Headmaster]

[img]http://www.desigifs.com/sites/default/files/hhhhhhhhh.gif?1344628027[/img]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Historians from US, UK and India were trying to boost how developed their ancient civilization used to be.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
UK historians: We dug and found out copper cable led all along major ancient cities, this concludes we were using telephones since long back.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
US historians: That’s it!! Dude, we dug and found out optical fiber. We were much more advanced in telecommunication since long back.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Indian historians: Pity on you people, actually we dug and dug deep, but found nothing. This of course concludes we were using wireless communication since that era.[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
A man was riding on a helicopter. He told his assistant to throw something off. He threw a ball. He saw a kid crying he asked the kid why you crying he said a ball hit me.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
He went on the helicopter again the boss told him to throw something off he threw a pinapple he saw a kid crying he asked the kid why you crying he said a pinapple hit my cat.[/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
Then he got back up and the boss told him to throw something he threw a bomb!! He saw a kid laughing he asked the kid why you laughing he said my grandma farted so badly she blew up the house!!![/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
[i](*grandma farted at the same time the bomb hit the house*)[/i][/background][/size][/font][/color]

[chicago]

[color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
[color=#fff0f5]A guy asked a girl to plug him mango on a tree, the girl did as the boy asked… When the girl got home she told her mom about it…Mom I climed a mango tree and pluged one for a guy.[/color][/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
[color=#fff0f5]The mother said, “I hope he didn’t see your panties.”[/color][/background][/size][/font][/color][color=#D4E7F7][font=Verdana, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(0, 53, 95)]
[color=#fff0f5]The girl replied, “No mum I was clever I took the panties off before climbing.” [/color][/background][/size][/font][/color]