Funny Resignations

[ManOnFire]

Dear Employer and my Ex-coworkers,

It has come time for me to say goodbye to you all. I've enjoyed my time here, all of you are a unique bunch to say the least. I've learned some valuable lessons during my time here, and i can honestly say they will serve me well. before I say my final goodbye, I want to thank every single one of you.

Carol, you've got a great personality, and Tom leers at your ass everytime you walk by. Just an fyi.
Steve, I know you've been going to masturbate in the bathroom every day.
my manager Chuck, it's Jack that keeps stealing the staples out of your stapler.
Everyone in the office, for the past six months I've been urinating in the watercooler before everyone else got to work.

I hope you all lead successful careers after I leave, you guys deserve it.

Subby.

[ManOnFire]

Unless you won the lottery, don't burn the bridge.

Roses are red
violets are blue
I set an admin password for all laptops
for five hundred bucks
I'll tell you.

[ManOnFire]

We're no strangers to this. You know the rules and so do I. I new employments what I'm looking for.

Never have I felt like a company was so poorly managed that I had to ask farers to help me quit and I'm

gonna go out on a limb and guess you see the writing on the wall and know that I'm not the last who will

give you their resignation.

You can't believe the horrible things the employees say behind your back.

Up until now, I have been biding my time and holding my tongue.

Never again will I let a company make me feel like I have to screw over someone else I am just not

gonna.

Let bygones be bygones.

You have a wonderful staff here. But because of your mismanagement of the working staff they are

down in the dumps.

[ManOnFire]

Dear Sir/Madam (I could never really honestly tell),

I have come to the conclusion that you are not, in fact, human, but rather a manifestation of workplace despair, a horrific deity created from the sorrow of work overload, stale coffee, working weekends, and working practices that seemingly have no other purpose but to drive me to suicide.

I have seen my future with this company. It ends with me being ushered out because you or someone like you wanted to 'change things up', which meant firing me for some trumped up violation you thought up and bringing in some wide-eyed newbie who still naively thinks that there is something of value to be had here. My future here is to be discarded once you have drained me dry, left with nothing but bitterness as I try desperately to find a job with what will doubtlessly be a bad reference, because if there is one thing I can rely on you for, it is to pour salt in my wounds.

I want you to read Dilbert, sir/madam, and then I want you to look in the mirror. You are the 'bad boss', the pointy haired imbecile, the ball-and-chain dragging everyone down with mindless policy after policy. You are not 'a' reason I'm quitting, you are the reason I'm quitting. In astronomical terms, you as of late have become a black hole of incompetence and arrogance, so dense and self-absorbed you pull everyone around you to a crushing doom, and before I cross the event horizon I must break free.

You will likely be offended by this letter. That's good. I want to offend you. I want to be the anathema to everything you have been. The only thing I could find more horrible than continued slave labor under you is that I might become you, willing to make my subordinates lives living, unending nightmares for my own monetary gain. At least, I hope the benefit you gain is money. The idea that you did what you have done for mere amusement horrifies and saddens me too much to think on such an idea for long.

Don't for an exit interview, I will at best repeat what I have said here. More likely, I will defecate on your desk, a toxic, steaming spray of digested Mexican food, which will not only adequately summarize my feelings towards you, but will help your desk's organization immensely.

Make no mistake. There are no threats here. I will not harass, stalk, or make even unkind gestures at you. My antipathy for you has progressed so much I want to excise you out of my life, like a festering cancerous lump. Even as I write this, I am aware you will likely not understand that I have legitimate reason to despise working with you, rather, you will simply dismiss this as the rantings of a 'bad employee'. I can accept that; this is as much for catharsis as it is to explain why I will never willingly set foot in here again.

Good riddance. I hope I never see your soul-draining face again.

Signed,

[ManOnFire]

Do you want to bring the company down in less than three months using suspicion and fear?
----
Dear Boss,
I am putting in this letter as an official notice of resignation. I would like HR to note the date and for Finance to assist in my final dues.

I did indeed learn a lot working here, however I can no longer tolerate the immoral behavior that I rampant here.
The number of (obvious and recurring) affairs and hook-ups are shameful. The pilfering -whether from stationary or blatant bribes- reveals a culture of evil entitlement and lack or morals. The amount of disrespect to ALL bosses, backstabbing and active or passive sabotaging of projects is an embarrassment.
The employees spend so much time complaining they aren't doing any work. The times they aren't complaining, they are picking on the quiet ones who are doing the work for "making them look bad."
I would not be surprised if a certain employee snaps. The more they pick on him, the more he talks (confides?) to me about his gun collection. I think we both know who I am talking about.

My psychiatrist has advised me to put all of this behind me and move on.
As part of my healing (and on the advice of my psychiatrist) I have taken a solemn oath that I will not discuss this ever again as I move forward with my life.

Thank you for everything you have done for me,

Yours truly.
Subbs

cc:HR, Finance

[ManOnFire]

[img]http://img.fark.net/images/cache/850/5/54/fark_546LQnKW9HhjlWBzvnov65-hOAo.jpg?t=Co32cz6zRqIvcs-q-wBoaw&f=1381723200[/img]

[ManOnFire]

[img]http://img.fark.net/images/cache/850/z/z_/fark_z_grF4UcZQEZxOble0R3axq9Zrg.jpg?t=Zs7KamkXOuqD2K5pAsRkyw&f=1381723200[/img]

[ManOnFire]

[img]http://img.fark.net/images/cache/850/5/5U/fark_5U7AAye0n28o4170blm2N3JmKUo.jpg?t=tCKxGU5sir4HiM42vXwUGg&f=1381723200[/img]

[Chitti_Robo_Rebuilt]

peddagaa undi [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/4edf07f444d1c672a842a2fca4194e82/tumblr_mqiz99Clrl1spvnemo1_250.gif[/img]