Estory - 2 : Dad's Ego Ruined His Son's Marriage

[k2s]

Hello Friends
I am back to get some suggestions and advice………feeeling really weak this time. Just a background…..I had a love marriage 4 years back. We started having fights over financial issues from the beginning. Lil did I know, my husband was really in control of his parents. Although we lived overseas far away from them, there were some promises my husband made with me before marriage…which he backed off on later to oblige his parent’s wishes. Marriage from the beginning was a roller coater due to issues with job, he was a student and hole that got created in my heart and I could also never let go of things. I am a very very emtional person. He was a good husband when it came to matters between just both of us….but anything related to his or my family, we would have troubles. There was an attempt to make the relation one sided. I did genuinely try to keep a healthy relation with his family but he always tried to keep a distance from my relations and showed his “uncomfort”. Husband comes from a village background so theybasically wanted me to leave my relations as much as possible, I was not allowed to spend on my parents………which really suffocated me in and out. Husband would otherwise help me with my career, house hold chores etc……..but when it came to his parents, he would send tonnes of money to them…..not contribute towards the house we bought together. Then there was a tendency to be “controlling” in the wake of “patriarchial society” and “male ego”. Things kept adding up and let my family know about it last year.
There were attempts to resolve our matters but husband’s family, especially his dad made it his “ego” issue. I got absolutely no support from my inlaws and I was blamed for everything. When told their thinking was medieval, They said I was being ultramodern and not respecting indian culture. Friends I have always tried to help my husband in his responsibilities towards his parents most I can and also tried to have a good relation with them. My issue was that I wanted him to be a team in things and people important to me as well…….but he was not. Moreover slowly I found out his parents would have a say in everything…..they would turn him against me in no time, they would brain wash him about my family.they would tell him what kind of equation I should have with my family, his equation with them, whom he should talk to……where we should go in my side of relatives etc etc. And if I ever ever came up to him for something I didn’t like about his parents……..he would always take their side and show I was wrong. Somewhere it was clear his parents are too possessive of him and he lacked a spine to stand up for me, he was too obliged/ scared of his parents especially his dad. I felt alone and insecure in that family as it got planted in my mind that my relation with my husband is very very weak and his opinion of me strongly depends upon his parents thinking. I went through a lot of mental stress, we drifted apart and there was some physical abuse as well. There were episodes for which he came up and said sorry to me in person but in front of his parents stood strong to prove me wrong. Having said that I must mention many times it was genuinely my fault but he never brought those things up…..only the episodes between us that were known to his parents came up again and again to put blame on me.
Last year I told my family about this and they were extremely supprtive. The issues were minor and could have been solved but his dad made things really worse between us. Instead of resolving our issues he made it his ego battle and became more upset about the fact I told my sister and splashed dirt on their family. Mind you I shared these details only after 3.5 years of marriage and told to my husband’s sister first. Then his dad literally planted in my husbands mind thatif he wont be controlling towards me or treat me an equal….he is literally giving up his manhood. My family stood up to break this relation thinking I will get suffocated leading my life with people having such low thinking. They said a few distasteful words and things got further worsened. His dad came up with a new blame that I could not stand up for them in front of my family……..when no one supported me through my issues.
Finally we got temporarily separated. There were 2 attempts to bring us back to gether. In the first attempt I told them whatever happened happened but whereever we had a conflict of opinion we need to reach a middle ground. An email was sent in which I had said that we need to respect each other and each others families the way we want ourselves and our blood relations to be treated……..and things have to be transparent between us both. None of the families should interefere in our matters unless we ask for their advice. They came back with a nasty reply……mostly implying the same “patriarchy society”, male ego…….his parents involvement will remain etc etc. Then some friends were involved , for a neutral perspective. They supported my views and we got back together. I know for a fact that my husband loves me and he really wanted to get back together with me. But since his father was so pissed off on me….he could not have gone against him. We lived happily for 8 days and his parents saw that too…….later his father again created an issue that my sister didn’t call and congratulate on reunion and left the house. My sister’s husband had said distasteful words to my husband that he should not treat me as an atm machine and learn to respect me…..that drove his dad really mad. He took it as personal insult…..despite the fact so many wrong things were said to me as well by them.
Then my husband came back and said he would get back together with me but his dad wants me and him to stop talking to my BIL for the rest of our lives. His dad even said he wont take me as his DIL for his entire life. Then I told them I didn’t want to start an already messed up relation by breaking bonds with family for lifetime….especially when so much was said from both sides. Then seeing my stand strong he said I can do what I want but he wont talk to them………finally I told them this relation is not meant to be and we should move on.
After that my husbands parents left and then he went to some other of our friends and said things like he is really repentig, he loves me and he wants to take his last breath with me. He is willing to apologize to my parents too and perhaps go for marriage counscelling as well (which he had earlier refused to do). Deep down I love him lot as well………..but don’t trust him at all. His parents are very conspiring and he is their money machine………I know they will go to every extent to keep hold on our marriage. I don’t want to take the step of divorse as I know issues betweeen us came up due to matters of families, else we were fine as a couple. My family has told me its my decision, but if I go this time, I cant come back as they have given enough chances to my husband already and he has again and again proved to be puppet of his parents. They don’t see me safe in that family. Could you please pour in your thoughts. I feel so stuck , its so difficult to take any path…………………..I am not confident about my life after going back to him and life after divorce wont be easy either. Please give you thoughtful suggestions

[Guest]

:3D_Smiles:

[k2s]

:3D_Smiles:

:3D_Smiles:

[Nellore Pedda reddy]

husband....pls die

[psycopk]

Deep down I love him lot as well………..but don’t trust him at all. asalu quite opposite statements.. hence the entire post is trash

[k2s]

Deep down I love him lot as well………..but don’t trust him at all. asalu quite opposite statements.. hence the entire post is trash

atta hurt kaku maaya.... just read till end.. 

[ILAQAT_MUFLIYA]

antha chadavali ante kastam daddy summary in 2 lines max plz 

[k2s]

antha chadavali ante kastam daddy summary in 2 lines max plz 

no.

read it

[jojo]

Deep down I love him lot as well………..but don’t trust him at all. asalu quite opposite statements.. hence the entire post is trash

dheeni meaning entante, aameki athanante chala istam vadulukovalani ledhu, athaniki kuda aame ante istam, but athanu vala family ki edhuru cheppadu kabatti, same problems repeat avvocchu, so trust cheyadam kastam antundhi. 

[psycopk]

dheeni meaning entante, aameki athanante chala istam vadulukovalani ledhu, athaniki kuda aame ante istam, but athanu vala family ki edhuru cheppadu kabatti, same problems repeat avvocchu, so trust cheyadam kastam antundhi. 

 

anta istam unte.. chavataniki aaina siddam ga undali idi oka lekka?

[jojo]

ee rojullo mostly issues families valla kuda vasthunnayi, sply men mental ga strong ga lenappudu ivi ekkuva. wife or parents evari thappunte vallaki cheppi iddharini convince cheskodam important. guddiga wife ni support chesina or parents ni support chesevallaki ee problems thappavu. wife and parents iddharu important kabatti, evarini badhapettakunda at the same time honest ga and impartial ga issues resolve chesukunte better. 

[jojo]

anta istam unte.. chavataniki aaina siddam ga undali idi oka lekka?

chavadam and champadam cinema lo chudadaniki baga untayi, antha avasaram kuda ledhu. istam unte kalisi undadam ledante vidipovadam, thats it.

[ILAQAT_MUFLIYA]

no.

read it

chal bonguloo thadulesthav ... I hated this story .. Gudd@ kinda anni yrs ochaka parents control lo pettudu endi vayya .. U shld effing learn how to deal, respect, play along thats it end of the story immature souls..

[idiBeZaWaDa]

husband....pls die

nee nunchi inthakanna em exfect sestamlee kaani iga..

[Spartan]

nee nunchi inthakanna em exfect sestamlee kaani iga..

 

lol