Mature Jokes

[rapchik]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

 

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

 

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

 

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

 

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

 

----------------------------------

 

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" 

 

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep." 

 

----------------------------------

 

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven". 

 

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

 

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven. 

 

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

 

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

 

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

 

[ReddySaab]

[dkc]

essay..

[mustang302]

@3$%  @3$%

[ChandraSekharCherukuri]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

 

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

 

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

 

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

 

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

 

 

 

 

Mayya ee Joke 2 year back sikipedia lo chusa 

[rapchik]

Pants vs. Panties
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.'' She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'
He replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..'
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large.. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.' Mike did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.' Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
 

[rapchik]

The Amazing Kitchen Logic

 

Joe was a housekeeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss' wine bottle and replacing it with water. The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.

Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed colour when water is added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed colour from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.

James told his wife about Joe's misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies.

So he shouted, "Joe!!!" Joe answered from the kitchen, "Yes boss?"

James, "Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?"

There was no answer from the kitchen. The boss repeated the question, still no answer. The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, "What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with 'Yes Boss' and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence!!!"

Joe said, "It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don"t hear anything else that is said, I swear."

James, "How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?"

So the boss went to the kitchen.

Joe shouted, "Boss!!!"

Boss, "Yes Joe?"

Joe, "Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam's absence?"

Silence - no reply. Joe again, "Who made the maid pregnant?"

No reply. Joe, yet again, "And who arranged for her abortion?"

James came running from the kitchen and said, "You are right Joe. When one is in kitchen, one can't hear anything but one's name. That's bloody strange!"

 

[cherlapallifailure]

[SirVaadu]

Gp