Spartan Posted June 18, 2014 Report Posted June 18, 2014 I'm an Indian girl, I had an arranged marriage a year back. I was 26, husband was 30.Now I'm 27+ & husband is 31+. I knew that husband lived & worked in Singapore, but I didn't know he was so obsessed about staying on there. Having children was really important to me, I had assumed that its important to my husband too as he comes from a very traditional & well off family & all his cousins have big kids already (they got married in their early or mid twenties)-he too seemed very traditional.After marriage he told me that he intends to go off to the USA for two years (a year and a half after our marriage) to do an MBA. He also wants me to stay on in Singapore with a job so he can come back & job hunt after his MBA on my Dependent Pass. He hadn't told me any of this before marriage, rather his family had told us that they'd cancelled the marriage alliance of a software engineer girl who wanted to go abroad for just one year for her job as according to them the purpose of marriage was to live together, now we learnt that my husband had always planned to do an MBA he was only waiting to become a Singapore Permanent Resident. Apparently he had applied for Singapore Permanent Residency twice before & had been rejected twice before, this was something else he hadn't told us before marriage, that this was his third application. He comes from a really well off family back in India & his parents had bought him a condo in Singapore, he was hoping that the condo will help him get a PR, but now Singapore is only accepting PR applications of the cream the really well educated & professionally successful people, his friends are better qualified & make 2.5x what he makes, all of them got their PR's. Regarding a child, he says that he actually doesn't want a child at all, because the sufferings he's gone through, he doesn't want his child to go through, & this is something about which he's had long discussions with his parents, because they obviously want a grandchild. He says he'd even asked them to find him a girl who doesn't want kids, but he might have kids due to social pressure later. He also says that he might move back to India later, but I know that he dreads this, his father keeps insisting that he move, his salary has been stagnating for two years but he's keen to stay on in SG(or go off to US to do his MBA). He applied for INSEAD Singapore in the September 2014 batch & got rejected, he's now re applying for the January 2015 batch & wants to apply to other B schools as well, if he gets through any he'll be 33 when he starts & 35 when he becomes an MBA. Some of his friends are top Consultants, he says that he won't do consulting as there's "no life" but wants some other job with better work life balance(he wants to leave office by 6-6.30 most days). Even if I stay on in Singapore, I might not get a job which pays enough to get him a Dependent Pass or I might lose my job, or hate it so much that I have to leave the job, I know he & my MIL will blame me then saying he'd definitely have got a high paying job were it not for me. Even after MBA, where he'd have exhausted all his savings & been out of the job market for two years, he might not land the job of his dreams which pays him what his friends will make then(they'd be around in the job market for two more years & likely have moved even higher up in their i banking & consulting careers) & he'd be even more frustrated if he doesn't get his dream job then, his "sufferings" from life will increase. My MIL had an ectopic pregnancy at 30 which damaged one of her tubes & a hysterectomy at 34, she says that nowadays one can have kids even till 40. Do you ladies think husband & MIL will ever want children? Being a mom is extremely important to me & I don't want a childless life forever.
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