Me Vs. Rogue

[ChampakDas]

Round 1: First Blood

 

Game development, particularly game engine development, has been my passion since high school. I wasn’t able to gain admission into Bachelors in Computer Science in a good institute since my score was deemed not good enough (with Computer Science seats in high demand). I wasn’t willing to pay a ton of money in exchange for a seat, which is a common practice here in India. So I got frustrated and took up Mechanical Engineering (much less in demand) in a reputed institute instead of Computer Science in an institute with low reputation, because people said it was easy to switch streams for master’s degree. Yes, I was naive and stupid at the time to take their word blindly. Little did I know how difficult it would actually be. Even so, I didn’t lose heart and kept learning by myself using books and the internet. I found out that there wasn’t much scope for game development as a career in India, and that my best option was to get my Master’s degree in Computer Science / Game Development in the United States of America. By graduation, I had taken the GRE and TOEFL exams, but decided that it wasn’t the right time to apply to the universities. I had nothing solid to prove that I would be able to cope up with the course. I wasn’t eligible for a job of my liking either since I did not possess a CS degree. Unfortunately, even if you had the skills, all that matters here is a piece of paper. Therefore, having no other choice, I took the next logical step of joining an IT firm, knowing I was stepping into crap. I would work my ass off at the office everyday, come back home to work on a game engine that I was building from scratch, and also studied for the GRE subject test in Computer Science which requires one to know all that a CS graduate has to know. Finally, after 2 years, I had gained admits into top graduate programs in Computer Science / Game Development. You can only imagine how sweet this success would have tasted to me. It took my belief in my own abilities to a whole new level. I felt unstoppable.

I resigned from my job, chilled at home, learned to cook, went on trips and bid goodbye to one and all. I felt so excited about the independent life lying in wait for me. On July 28, 2013, dad thought I should just have a general medical checkup before leaving, so I went for it. I packed my bags that night and was all set for my flight on August 2, 2013. The next day, the report said that I had Proteinuria +++ and Hematuria +++. I was like, “Uh….what does that mean?”. The doctor said it means there was a lot of protein and blood in my urine and that I should get more tests done. I still had no idea what was going on. I went for an ultrasound scan and the scanner guy nonchalantly said my kidneys were badly damaged. Just like that. BOOM! This was my opponent Rogue’s first hit. It was like a bolt of lightning. I stumbled out of the ultrasound room and broke down. Tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. My mind was blank and everything seemed to have shattered. My parents, who were sitting outside waiting for me, were puzzled. A lady beside me realized what was going on and tried to console me by explaining that she was even pregnant while her kidneys were not functioning well. It made no sense to me though, since I was lost and had no idea what she was talking about. I just wanted to get out of the place.

The bell rang to signal the end of the round. Rogue had clearly won it.

[ChampakDas]

Round 2: Know your Enemy

 

I canceled my flight and got permission from the university to arrive a month later until I would get things sorted out with Rogue. Remember, I had just found out that Rogue had damaged my kidneys badly. I had no other knowledge about this masked man. The investigations began. My creatinine level was 2.6 mg/dL. Me: “What does that mean?”. The nephrologist I was visiting said it means my kidneys were functioning at around 30-40%. He also said it was most likely a chronic kidney disease, particularly a form of glomerulonephritis called IgA nephropathy. My reaction again: “???”. Basically, it’s an auto-immune disease which causes your own immune system to damage your kidneys over many years and you wouldn’t even realize it. This guy was a slow killer. In my case, it had likely been going on for 5-6 years! And what caused it? Nobody knew. And how to treat it? Again nobody knew. Yes, nobody knows the cause or treatment for this disease. So much for trying to unmask Rogue. There was no other end to this than end stage renal failure. 

A biopsy confirmed that it was indeed IgA nephropathy. I must say that the ride on the stretcher was extremely fun. I couldn’t stop laughing out of sheer glee while they rolled me up and down, but lying motionless on my back for a whole day was a total pain. I consulted around 7-8 top nephrologists and none of them had any hope of saving my kidneys. Finally, I met one who said we could try immunosuppression without steroids to suppress my immune system and hence control the progress of the disease. I heard good things about this nephrologist from far and wide, so I chose him to be my trainer, if you know what I mean ;)

After a lot of confusion, I decided that it was best not to go for my master’s education right then. I needed to be monitored and Rogue needed to be controlled. Medical expenses would be high in the USA and the university’s insurance wouldn’t cover a pre-existing condition. So there went my plan to get a master’s degree. It was postponed indefinitely, but the university was willing to take me in anytime.

[ChampakDas]

Round 3: The Initial Struggle

 

It is said that we don’t realize the worth of something we have until we lose it. It is very true in the case of kidneys. Only a kidney patient knows their worth. These tiny bean-shaped organs keep the whole body in control. When they don’t function properly, toxicity builds up in the body and it goes haywire. I have hypertension, anemia, vitamin D deficiency and a lot more is in store for the future including weak bones, impotence and heart disease. I was a food lover, but now I have tons of diet restrictions. The worst part is that Rogue could recur even after getting a transplant done and damage the transplanted kidney too.

The more I knew about Rogue and what he could do to me, the more I went into depression. I was worried that I could never ever have a normal life. The only constant thought in my head was, “Why me? What did I do?”. For 2 months, I did absolutely nothing. Eventhough I did nothing, I grew tired everyday and felt colder than usual. It turned out to be due to anemia getting worse. Earlier, I used to keep myself occupied with something or the other. Now, I had lost interest in everything. This was due to both psychological and hormonal changes. My parents suggested that I may have to change my career plans and goals, that I may not be capable of a strenuous job in the gaming industry where people work for days and nights to meet deadlines. This triggered a spark in me. I cannot let this Rogue dictate my life. I certainly cannot and will not let him destroy all my dreams, aspirations and years of hard work. I am going to fight as hard as I can and have it my way. Eventually, I got myself a job of my liking (albeit a low paying one) as a game engine programmer in a startup game studio. I was lucky to find such a job in India, especially in Chennai. I guess I won this round :)

[ChampakDas]

Round 4: A Ray of Hope?

 

I was on this wonder immunosuppressant drug called Cellcept and everything went smoothly, except I had bad nausea attacks later which was solved by more pills. The gap between appointments with my doc kept increasing. Initially, it was once a week, then it became once in 2 weeks, then once in 3 weeks, then once a month. This meant my condition was stable. A month went by, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, and my creatinine level was stable at 2.9 mg/dL. WOO HOO! Rogue was not progressing and this gave me hope that I could have pretty much a normal life, with a lot of lifestyle changes of course. Once in a while, I spoiled myself a little by having food I should avoid, like a pizza or the yummy food at marriages. I took a break for a week to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Mumbai, and also to spend some time (and money) applying to universities again. I applied again only because Rogue seemed to be kept in check and wasn’t troublesome anymore, but he had other plans. I came back to Chennai and went for just another appointment with my doc only to find out that my creatinine had jumped to 3.9 in a month…The sudden and painful uppercut caught me off guard. Damn you Rogue! Seriously :x

[ChampakDas]

Round 5: The Downslide

 

After the uppercut threw me off balance, Rogue followed it up with plenty of jabs and crosses. Creatinine went further up to 4.2 in a week. I was immediately admitted and treated with saline solution for a few days through intravenous therapy since the doc suspected I could be affected by dehydration. I was discharged after creatinine went down to 3.5 (phew!) and I went back to my normal monotonous life and it felt so good! Everyone bitches about their boring, not happening, monotonous life, but I felt so relieved and happy to get back to it. It is only during times like this that you realize how blessed you would be to have a normal life with good health. Before you start cursing and whining about your life, just think about the people who are having it worse than you. That’s what I do. That’s what keeps me going. You should always be happy with what you have. Note that this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have dreams and ambitions. Pursue your dreams, fight to get what you want, but try not to bitch about what you have or don’t have. My normal life didn’t last much longer. The creatinine spiked again to 4.2 in a week :| and 5.0 by the week after! I was in big trouble now :? . The doc said that it’s the disease progressing and we cannot do much about it. Great. He said we needed to start planning for a transplant but as a last line of defense, he decided to put me on steroids for 4-6 weeks. Oh no!

[rockerz2155]

ltt

[Maximus]

[vadapav]

[ChampakDas]

battle against chronic kidney disease..his story

 

 

 

[vadapav]

battle against chronic kidney disease..his story

oh ok

[Captain_nd_Coke]

Good post