Gazal Dhaliwal Who Appeared On Satyamev Jayate Shares Her Secret Story

[JANASENA]

 

 

Gazal lives in Mumbai and writes screenplays and dialogues for Hindi feature films. she underwent a medical process to change her biological sex from male to female. Today, she lives a life of freedom and confidence. She is at peace.

|| My Secret ||

❝ Growing up, I had a secret. It was a secret that confused me and embarrassed me, and hence, I would try my best to hide it, but almost always failed. My secret was my identity – an identity that the world had not given me, an identity I was born with.
I was assigned Male at birth, but I never identified with my assigned sex. None of the things that boys usually like, interested me. I preferred dolls to cars, playing house to cricket, wearing my mother’s dupatta to my father’s pagdi, and dancing on Madhuri Dixit songs toGovinda’s. My emotional identity, my psychological gender was always – Female.

It was a suffocating and deeply lonely existence, particularly because I thought I was the only one like myself in the whole world… that there was nobody else I could talk to, who would understand me. I would often think that my life was not worth living. One time, I ran away from home too, but the love and support of my parents brought me back.
At 17, for the first time, I read about other people in many parts of the world, who had experienced what I was going through. I got a name for it for the first time – Gender Dysphoria – a condition wherein one’s biological sex is in conflict with one’s psychological gender. For the first time in 17 years, I realized that I was not alone. It was an overwhelming relief to know that there was a medical process called Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) through which I could be rid of my lifelong despair.

It was, however, still a distant dream. SRS was an expensive procedure, and I still had a long way to go. So, I focused on my studies, finished my Chemical Engineering, and got placed in Infosys, where I worked for 2 years. But my dream still remained distant. I realized that it would take me ages to have enough money to go for an SRS, but in the meantime, I should at least follow my other dream – to write for Hindi films.

You see, I’m not a believer of a magical superpower, but I do believe in miracles! My second dream brought me to Bombay to study filmmaking. As a part of my curriculum at the film school, I ended up making a film on Gender Dysphoria along with a few friends. My parents had always been amazingly loving and supportive, but this film helped them travel the last mile. The moment they finished watching it, my father looked at me and said – So when are you going for the surgery?

That moment onwards, there was no turning back! My parents supported me throughout the 2-year process of Sex Reassignment – emotionally as well as financially. It’s still hard for me to believe how fortunate I’ve been to have parents like them.

Most Gender Dysphoric people are not fortunate like me. Most of them are ostracized by their families and are forced to live on the margins of the society. As is our habit, we, the society, turn away from anything or anybody who seems ‘different’ from what is common. We just assume that if somebody doesn’t fit into our pre-defined boxes of ‘normality’, then they have no right to an existence of dignity.

After my Sex Reassignment, I had two options. To live the rest of my life with another secret – to never tell anybody about my past, or to live it without secrets. If I were to choose the first option, to me, it would mean that I’m still embarrassed of who I was and am, and I would be empowering the society’s unspoken rule – that those who don’t fit into our boxes are not worthy of respect.
My choice was easy. I chose pride. I chose freedom, dignity, and a head held high. I chose no secrets.❞