Strange Inventions That Were Actually Patented

[timmy]

 

High-Five Machine

If you need a self-esteem boost but nobody is in sight, then you can slap away at your very own high-five machine! This invention is just dripping with sadness — who needs a high-five so badly that they go out and buy a robotic arm soley to high-five it?

 

[timmy]

 

Life Expectancy Watch

For the incredibly paranoid, this watch is supposed to predict the moment that you will die. The watch supposedly takes into account the wearer's marital status, family history, exercise habits, diet, and other factors to come up with a time of death. What the watch really does, though, is reveal who which people are super gullible.

 

[timmy]

 

Portable Bath Capsule

This human-sized rubber bag was invented as an alternative to sponge baths in hospitals and nursing homes, but you gotta admit that they look really weird. And although it might be a good idea, there are no reports of successful use.

 

[timmy]

 

Stealth Fly Swatter

This teensy fly swatter affixes to your forefinger so you can flick any pests away. The patent for this device accuses traditional fly swatters of being cumbersome and unsanitary, but we are confused about how we are supposed to be able to hit a tiny fly with a tiny swatter. Chopsticks would be easier!

 

[timmy]

 

The Beerbrella

Have you ever been remiss to find your beer getting too hot from direct sunlight or filled with water from rainfall? Instead of just drinking indoors, or under a large umbrella, you can attach this tiny umbrella to your beer bottle to look like a snobby douche.

 

[timmy]

 

Gerbil Shirt

If you're a gerbil owner who's grown envious of watch all those people walking their dogs, here's some great news! The gerbil shirt is a vest made up of plastic gerbil tubes so that you can walk around town with your little buddy.

 

[timmy]

 

Vibrating Tattoo

The phone company Nokia holds the patent for a vibrating tattoo, which is supposed to alert you if your phone is ringing. Apparently, just setting your phone on vibrate isn't enough anymore?

 

[timmy]

 

Brain Buzzer

We wish we knew about this during our boring school lectures. This small wand is supposed to send vibrations to to brain when you bite on it to jolt you awake.

 

[timmy]

 

Banana Protective Device

Apparently, a peel just isnt protective enough for some banana lovers. This individual banana holder promises to ward of browning, smelliness, and bruising. It just comes off as incredibly paranoid, though.

 

[timmy]

 

Kissing Shield

This handheld mouth covering was invented to prevent actual contact during a kiss. Kinda defeats the purpose, huh? The patent says that it would be great for politicians who have to kiss lots of babies. Any "Pushing Daisies" fans out there thinking what we're thinking?

 

[timmy]

 

Deceptive Diaper

Carrying a diaper bag for your newborn isn't embarrassing, but we guess one inventor thought it was, and he or she made diaper carries that look like other objects. There's a case that resembles a candy bar and one that looks like an (outdated) cell phone.

 

[alpachinao]

Banana Protective Device



Apparently, a peel just isnt protective enough for some banana lovers. This individual banana holder promises to ward of browning, smelliness, and bruising. It just comes off as incredibly paranoid, though.

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