Husband Addicted To ****

[kevinUsa]

Hey All,

I am back here after quite a gap. Busy with parenting a little girl I had last year after 10 years of infertility struggle. Happy god blessed me finally!!!

Now for the reason I am here. My husband is quite secretive with his phone. He will carry it wherever he goes. I for these many years didn’t bother either. Today accidentally I came across his phone and realised he had been watching **** videos and such other content daily. My kid wakes up often at night so making that as an excuse and saying that he doesn’t feel well in morning due to lack of sound sleep, off late my husband had been sleeping in a seperate room. Now I know what he had been doing all along. If at all I tag himself in photos on FB ( of which he is a part )he says I don’t use my FB account and doesn’t accept requests to post pics on his timeline. But **** sites and **** profile on FB he had been regularly visiting. I came to know of this from his browser history. 
Our sex life was never great. I was always left unsatisfied. But love compensated for sexual incompatibility. We until last year just had sex as part of baby making exercise as per doctors advise on “ those” fertile days. But still I let go my desires of physical intimacy since he had stood by me through thick and thin when all others in his family shunted me for not bearing a kid. The problem was with me medically so I always felt indebted to him for his love and care( other than physical ). Now after baby sex is reduced to once in many months that also if I take initiative. Otherwise No
No. Maybe he is satisfied through masturbation or something after watching **** videos. I am in a dilemma. I feel cheated and can’t suppress my anger since I had let go my sexual needs and living almost like a celibate and he is happy in his own space. What do I do? Please advice ladies
 

[kevinUsa]

If your husband is continuing to care for you, your child, and love you both, pretend not to know his browser history. Smut-videos are less unhealthy than smoking, or drinking arrack.

You are within a year of your delivery. It is quite normal to feel depressed, and bothered by many things in this time. Pay attention to yourself in eating healthy, and getting back to healthy shape.

 

 

[kevinUsa]

 

Have you discussed with him? Since you say he loved you and I'm sure he still does have an open discussion that it's making you uncomfortable. I'm sure he'll understand. Plus older men watching ****, I feel they'll be out of it soon unlike the teens who are exploring a lot of stuff in that. Just matter of time. 
You don't have to feel you are cheated. Men will be men. Have a word with him.

[kevinUsa]

Watching *** videos are common so fighting it is not worth it but ask him some key questions like 

Why he prefers videos and masturbation when he can have the real deal?

Is he not feel attracted to u anymore?

Did u criticize his performance and he shut down due to it?

He has problems with sexual performance and does not want to indulge?

You should know exact reasons to find root cause and fix it. Not talking or dodging the topic should not be tolerated when one person is fully frustrated

[kevinUsa]

Talk to him about how boring your life has become as a couple and that you feel you both need to spice things up a bit.

Don't try to send him on a guilt trip for watching ****.

Plan more romantic stuff with him.

Increase your non sexual intimacy too so that he is not under pressure to perform every time you hug or kiss him.

Like hug and kiss him when he leaves and comes back home.
Do the same whenever he is nice to you and child.
Cuddle up during tv time or early morning when you wake up. 
Ask him for a big hug before you get out of bed . Make him believe youenjoy his touch...whether sexual or not.

He probably won't leave it completely. It is probably like an addiction now. Think of him like a little boy who won't let go of his security blanket.

Cajole him into having real physical action with you.

 

[kevinUsa]

Ten years of making love on demand and according to your body's monthly calendar. Can you imagine the tension a man has of "if I am not able to perform, this month's window might go waste"?

Ten years! Cut the man some slack.

Rhymes-with-corn is not always chee chee bad. There are refined versions of it that couples can watch together and which can help get things started for parents weary with the care of a little child and worn out by years of TTC.

If you can't beat them, join them? If watching it puts you off, try reading some? Leave a book or browser open to mommy_porn where he can find it?

For those not keen to click on that, all it does is defines mommy_porn = a genre of mainstream erotic literature that primarily appeals to the sensibilities of mothers and housewives.

[kevinUsa]

Any big challenge takes a toll on the marriage. Infertility and TTC, more so. The years of visiting doctors, ruling out causes, trying treatments, switching doctors, if trying IUI then the whole circus around the sample, the stress of waiting to see if the month was successful ... This can alter the very DNA and fabric of a marriage. It changes something elemental in the man, woman individually and as a couple. Not all change is positive, not all change is negative. When TTC ends happily with a baby, it is not like the marriage forgets the struggle and becomes like any other couple with a baby.

Your post is quite succinct. You have described quite well the problem and what you are looking for. Looks like your husband is happy with the status quo. You want change. Any clumsy or tear-filled efforts by you will push him away further. If the words are not right or too much of the past is brought up by you ('I was always left unsatisfied'), it will touch one of the most sensitive parts of a man's ego, he could flare up and say somethings you both will regret. You both need professional help to guide you to slowly achieve the state what you want. Maybe he won't come to therapy or counseling. Then, you have to go alone.

Here's one more thing to ponder on: most likely he has been into it for many years now. Maybe he used to watch it just before the action on the monthly prescribed days. Maybe he thinks of it in the mind when with you. I am - just trying to show you how deep and multi-layered the problem. On top of that, he will not think it is a problem. So, you have to go about this tactfully, patiently, and definitely with the help of a good professional. If you live in India, you will have to look harder to find the right professional for such a matter.

Best wishes to you. What you want is totally valid. But go about it with the grace of a woman, not the I-want-it-now petulance of a child. You might already be doing this - count your blessings. In the darkest days of TTC, did you ever make bargains with some imaginary superpower that if you have a baby you won't ever ask for anything?

And look into what I suggested in the previous post. Reading literotica or watching a version-that-appeals-to-females of what he watches won't hurt. It might help you deal with your unsatisfied feelings and if he comes to know about it, it could lead to a discussion about his habit, your love life and a heart-to-heart conversation. I am an old woman but some of the millennials I know tell me there is tons of this stuff online and legal and that good girls are also into it. With the busy and demanding lives people lead, it does not hurt to use such props or aids to make life bearable. There was also a thread or two here on how to order sex toys online from sites in India that ship stuff packaged discreetly.

 

[kevinUsa]

You have already received very valuable insights on this topic. Great replies ladies. Based on my limited experience my suggestion is to be positive and have lot of patience. Your husband appears as a very loving, caring and supportive person. So I feel that this issue can also be fixed. You have gone through a lot in the last ten years and are now blessed with a baby. If you are feeding, you may not be able to enjoy like a normal, healthy person. Our body is wired like that. It varies from person to person, I agree. So focus on your health, take care of yourself, do kegel excercise too. Explore internet for so many articles on this topic.

Your frustration is quite natural. It's difficult to accept when you feel undesired and its hard to accept that your spouse dont consider you as the first priority on this important area. Watching **** is very common and I am sure it will be hard to find a man who dont watch it or masturbate. With mobile technology every thing is available in finger tips. So many sites/ groups for it, for sure.

So the smart thing to do is not make it a big deal. If you reveal to your dh about internet history , he will find ways to hide it. I think he has been doing it before marriage and has been continuing for the last many years. Doing masturbation is a safe method to satisfy oneself and not harmfull like other addictions or exploring it outside marriage. Watching it fulltime is addiction for sure.
Unless he consider it and accept as a problem, no one can stop him from watching it. In that case counseling or therapy to stop **** addiction if any, wont help .It may back fire and may result in more problems if he is not ready to accept or work on this issue. So deal with it carefully . Go for professional help as a couple only if both of you agree with it.

Why he prefers it over you? That is what you have to explore in an intelligent way. Is it because he dont want to disturb you as you have been struggling a lot with pregnancy or baby. Some men has issue like they consider wife as baby's mom. Or is it because it's easy and more satisfying for him than having sex with you or did he feeling doing everything for you. Or not getting satisfaction for some other reasons through normal sex.

I have read an article that not every women feel good through insertion alone, instead get satisfaction through stimulation of sensitive parts in that area. It varies from person to person and it's a combination of many facts. Even the lack of emotional bonding can affect it. Many women have not ever experienced peak in their life. What exactly is the reason your unsatisfied feeling- explore it. As it's a sensitive topic, choosing words and conveying in a positive way is very important. If it's like complaining or finding fault with his techniques, it will repel him more. So select words, like... i feel very happy when you hug/kiss me after that / or that way.. [Never use why ,what you..or negative words .instead use I feel, I like, i wish, i enjoy...as if you seek help or adore him. Spread positivity] .Enforce positives and direct him. Dont be shy.

You can not reverse the past. So think about how you can improve your present. Try to express more, hug more,kiss ,touch,cuddle more normally and sensuality instead sex. Build on your emotional bonding and romance with him. Try to make him realize that spending time with you is more rewarding. If you can, join him in his room for some time before continuing to sleep with baby. Let him know that you love to spend time with him. Always watch how you convey the message especially on this topic . So many articles are on internet and YouTube on how to improve intimacy and make it more fruitful.

In India( in other cultures too), traditionally, those girls who explore ones own sexuality or demand sex from partner are not considered good. Time has changed.
Recent article suggests an increase in number of women watching/ reading erotica. It appears to me like today's women are not afraid of exploring their own sexuality and learn how to enjoy it. I like the way @Rihana mentioned that "good girls" are also doing it. Explore ways to know how to satisfy your self too. There are some articles in IL too. Exploring yourself will also help intimate relationship with your partner as well.

So dont allow yourself to burn due to this issue. If your husband dont allow tagged photos in his Facebook time line, respect it. It's his page and his space. I have also set up my privacy settings in Facebook like that. I allow tagged photos only if I like it be shared on my timeline even if my dh or friends tag me. It's my choice. Making it a big deal wont help you.

Dont feel bad that you initiate sex often. Do whenever you like doing it. Spend quality time with husband. Gain confidence and look confident. I feel that this stage also pass. In my case, my focus was always on my baby, so made it difficult to enjoy time my husband. With time it improved . So take your own time.

Stay positive and conquer with love, care and understanding. Last but not the least -love yourself.

[sboyr2r]

Arey neeku thread title sarigga veyadaniki ostaledu 

ade @k2s thata or @Spartan thata aithe estory1- marchipolekapotunna 

estory 2- emcheyaleni paristitullo aunty meeraithe em chestaru

[kevinUsa]

baga leda bro 

[johnydanylee]

15 minutes ago, kevinUsa said:

baga leda bro 

http://www.andhrafriends.com/uploads/monthly_2019_04/fc671ba328774fe4942af537388bc72b_18.thumb.jpg.e964adc57f018d49a60687b76bcf588b.jpg

[xano917]

28 minutes ago, kevinUsa said:

baga leda bro 

keep the flow flowing man... 

[samaja_varagamana]

43 minutes ago, sboyr2r said:

Arey neeku thread title sarigga veyadaniki ostaledu 

ade @k2s thata or @Spartan thata aithe estory1- marchipolekapotunna 

estory 2- emcheyaleni paristitullo aunty meeraithe em chestaru

old member va ??

[samaja_varagamana]

[tacobell fan]

@samaja_varagamana ee roju cup noodles theme? edi pattukunte adi basamam avvalsindhe ga. nee jimmada andhuke neeku TomB time ki pay ivvandhi