Extra-marital Affairs

[kevinUsa]

am a regular reader of your fabulous blog. It has shaped my thoughts and feelings like very few things in life have. I also comment here fairly regularly–not so much of late, but certainly until some months back.

I am a 38-yrs-old mother-of-two who recently took a job after a long break. Lookwise I would describe myself as above average and moderately attractive.

At work, the person who sat next to me was a 25 year old guy. He was more experienced in the field, while I was a virtual novice, so I often turned to him for help and suggestions.

I cannot say we hit it off immediately– I initially thought he was a feku who boasted a lot. However, we gradually started talking quite a bit. I realized, much to my surprise, that he had actually not been boasting about anything. He had excellent manners and was very well brought up. Spoke excellent English. He did not bring his lunch to work because he stayed two hours away from office and did not get the time to cook in the morning. I started taking extra chapatis for him initially, then started taking the trouble to prepare special dishes for him in the morning. He himself was a fabulous cook and everyone around would look forward to days when he did bring lunch.
 

[kevinUsa]

He was such fun to be around. He had a terrific sense of humour, was very intelligent and capable of talking about everything under the sun very knowledgeably. He was very well-informed about Western music, something to which I had a somewhat limited exposure. He took it upon himself to ‘educate’ me, and made me listen to some really nice songs, introduced me to some awesome bands. We talked endlessly, sometimes even on topics such as pornography and rape, and I suppose it was a measure of the comfort level we shared that neither suspected the other of being lewd or harbouring romantic intentions.Somewhere along I developed a huge crush on him. I quit the job owing to my husband’s transfer but we continued to be in touch. I went out of my way to help him when he was struggling to get an education loan approved from a nationalized bank. I even offered him money when he had financial problems–he thanked me for offering but wisely declined all financial help.About ten days back, I invited him over to my place for lunch. We spent over two hours in my house chatting and joking– all at a respectful distance, we never even shook hands– and had a great time.. Later that evening, though, we got chatting over WhatsApp about extra-marital affairs. He started it by asking whether I thought it was okay for a married woman, who is ungratified, to have affairs that involve only sex. I thought it was one of those intellectual discussions we were always having, and responded by saying that though I was not a fan of casual sex, I would not rush to judge anyone having casual sex, married or not, as long as it was consensual and both parties are fully aware of the casualness. The discussion went on for some time, with him citing several different examples and us discussing them. Finally he told me he admired me greatly, always thought of me as being so bold and confident, and was ‘in great awe of me because of how I could speak my heart without inflicting insult or injury’. He added that he hesitated to come to my house for lunch because he was afraid of doing anything that would ‘bring me shame.’ He said his feelings of desire arose from ‘the respect and awe’ he had for me.It was at this point that I committed the biggest blunder of my life. I cringe in regret and shame every time I think about it. His admission of desire for me brought to the fore something that was there in a corner of my mind so remote, I barely knew of its existence, but at that point, telling him about it felt like the most natural thing to do– I told him I had been wanting him badly myself and was as close to being in love as I had ever been. He ventured to ask me about the state of my marriage– I told him it was largely good, but I wouldn’t mind going astray once because I loved him so much. He seemed very eager but I told him I did not see how we could manage to get together, given that both he and I are going abroad shortly. I asked him to think of a way for us to get together.Over the next few days, he acted distant and aloof. Finally, four days back, he told me that he did not think it could happen, and did not want hope where there was none. He said he was restricting himself to save both of us further heartache.I was stunned and devastated. I felt like I had stripped myself naked and then been rejected. I pleaded with him, he kept quiet. I ultimately decided not to plead anymore –I did love him but couldn’t demean myself more like this.

[kevinUsa]

By the next day, I finally reconciled myself to the fact that I had made a huge fool of myself, and that what I had wanted was really pointless and could have repercussions. I kicked myself for telling him anything–I should have just listened to his admission of desire and kept my own mouth shut. I then threw myself into salvaging the remnants of our friendship– sent him emotional messages telling him how precious our friendship was to me, how deeply we used to trust each other, how we could talk about everything without misunderstanding the other, and how he was the one friend I should like to stay in touch with always. He gave monosyllabic responses to a string of messages, acted very distant and aloof. Said I should really forget the whole thing and not think about it so much. That he would always cherish my friendship but that I should really be concentrating on my priorities. By the next day his responses grew fewer and farther between. The next day I tried to call him, and discovered to my horror that he was not answering my calls.

[kevinUsa]

This is the worst emotional crisis of my life. The pointlessness of it takes my breath away. I cannot stop thinking about him for more than a few minutes at a time. Tears come unbidden. I mourn for the totally unnecessary loss of a great friend, the one person I would have like to always be in touch with. I am wracked by feelings of shame, guilt, mortification, and humiliation every time I think about it. The worst thing is, I cannot even talk to anyone about it. People have been commenting that I look unhappy and unwell.

[kevinUsa]

This doesn't make any sense..

The guy is a single guy looking for some fun without commitment and a married woman in a fairly okay marriage out for some fun is a good option.
This was a casual relationship ...almost a no strings hook up.

She was a fairly happily married woman looking out for fun with a guy she found attractive...looking for some thrill in her normal life.

This relationship if you can call it had a short life written all over it. So where is the question of heartbreak. What was she expecting?

Him to stay around being her boy toy in her spare time while she continued to stay in her marriage?

Short term relationships are short.

For him it was not worth the effort required .
Besides a clingy ,desperate, pathetic cheating woman is not a very attractive person .
Why would he stick around when there were no strings attached?

I don't think there was much heart involved from his side for him to have a heart break.

Nothing to do with him having had previous relationships.
If he was deeply involved in a relationship with a single person,and had expectations of a future with her....then he would be deeply heartbroken if it did not work out.

Here he was hooking up with a married woman who was looking out for a hook up. His heart was not involved. He was not looking for a relationship in future.

She saw more in the relationship than there was...which was silly because being married herself,her expectations were silly.

[Rajugadu]

Nee youtube suggestions and google suggestions ki salam ba

[kevinUsa]

2 minutes ago, Rajugadu said:

Nee youtube suggestions and google suggestions ki salam ba

edi IL nudi lepukoni vacha 

[Rajugadu]

Just now, kevinUsa said:

edi IL nudi lepukoni vacha 

Akkada kuda unnav ante nuvvu thopu ba

[kevinUsa]

Just now, Rajugadu said:

Akkada kuda unnav ante nuvvu thopu ba

valla disco super funny untadi bro 

 

[RPG_Reloaded]

20 minutes ago, kevinUsa said:

am a regular reader of your fabulous blog. It has shaped my thoughts and feelings like very few things in life have. I also comment here fairly regularly–not so much of late, but certainly until some months back.

I am a 38-yrs-old mother-of-two who recently took a job after a long break. Lookwise I would describe myself as above average and moderately attractive.

At work, the person who sat next to me was a 25 year old guy. He was more experienced in the field, while I was a virtual novice, so I often turned to him for help and suggestions.

I cannot say we hit it off immediately– I initially thought he was a feku who boasted a lot. However, we gradually started talking quite a bit. I realized, much to my surprise, that he had actually not been boasting about anything. He had excellent manners and was very well brought up. Spoke excellent English. He did not bring his lunch to work because he stayed two hours away from office and did not get the time to cook in the morning. I started taking extra chapatis for him initially, then started taking the trouble to prepare special dishes for him in the morning. He himself was a fabulous cook and everyone around would look forward to days when he did bring lunch.
 

Which Blog baa

pm me plz

[samaja_varagamana]

Just now, RPG_Reloaded said:

Which Blog baa

pm me plz

Indusladies divorced people ki NFDB lantidi 

[rapchik]

13 minutes ago, kevinUsa said:

valla disco super funny untadi bro 

 

ni valuable suggestion kuda ivvu ada 

[samaja_vargamana]

1 minute ago, samaja_varagamana said:

Indusladies divorced people ki NFDB lantidi 

good job broker.

[panipoori]

Nee yavva pedda masala em ledu kadaa....naa 5 mins bokka

[xano917]

2 minutes ago, panipoori said:

Nee yavva pedda masala em ledu kadaa....naa 5 mins bokka

hamayya nenu safe IL theards lo masala undadhu.