'IT'S EXHAUSTING' I’m bored of being married to Mr Perfect — I wish he’d cheat so I could feel better about myself

[SH_221B]

MOST single women are searching for Mr Perfect, right? But maybe a little imperfection is better. Writer CLARE O’REILLY, 40, from Plymouth, married Jon, 46, 13 years ago and he has not put a foot wrong since.

Today, in a startlingly honest piece, Clare reveals why she is frustrated with being married to Mr Perfect . . .

"I should have got an inkling of my husband’s perfect moral fibre when we were dating back in 2002. I called in sick to work, planning to surprise him as he worked from home.

However, when I turned up with thoughts of a long, lazy, romantic lunch, he refused to ditch his responsibilities even though we were supposed to be in the first throes of love.

I married Mr Perfect anyway, but his ridiculous moral compass has come to be a bone of contention. Simply put, I’m bored of being married to a paragon of virtue.

He is so unlike me it’s disarming but it turns out I’m not alone. New research from the University of Amsterdam has found, while it is beneficial in Mother Nature for species to be similar, it is not as straightforward when it comes to humans.

The study looked at personality traits of 4,464 couples and found agreeableness — a trait associated with trust and empathy — in both partners is vital for a relationship to succeed. But researchers also found when one partner is conscientious, the coupling can actually work better if the other is less so.

Which may go some way to explaining why Jon and I have lasted so long. After a small prang in the car a few years ago, our insurance company informed us that we were entitled to sue the other driver for injuries amounting to around £6,000.

As neither of us was injured, Jon refused to take on the elderly driver despite the figures at play because it would be “dishonest”. It is not just big issues either.

I’m the queen of the last-minute cancellation, thinking nothing of scrapping dinner arrangements with friends just hours before we are due whereas Jon sticks to his commitments.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him and this year we celebrated 17 years together — 13 of them married — but I wish he’d lie, cheat, defame or slander just once, so that I could feel better about my own less-than-perfect character.

While the Amsterdam research didn’t define the term “moral incompatibility”, if it exists, we definitely have it. The research also found compatibility isn’t an “all or nothing” state.

Couples who are both early risers or both night owls tend to have longer relationships than those with opposing bedtime routines — so far, so obvious. But the study also found that we look for personality traits in a spouse or partner that we don’t possess, for example, being an extrovert.

While Jon is quiet and unassuming I’m the extrovert. He is definitely made up of all the traits I’m missing entirely. His moral compass will follow him into the grave, but no one will eulogise about my fair nature or loyal friendship.

I haven’t stayed friends with anyone from school while Jon’s tight-knit circle has been the same since he was ten. They are Godfathers to our kids Eddie, 15, Sammy, ten, and Annie, eight.

But it is not just his general decency that’s hard to stomach. He is a better spouse than I am. If I told him on Friday I was spending Saturday chilling at a spa, he’d probably drop me there so I didn’t have to drive, then take the kids to their clubs before making sure the house was tidy.

Just last week he went out with a friend for a long-planned pint and I was in a foul mood before he went because I had to put the washing away and make the kids packed lunches.

He is selfless to the same degree I’m selfish, which according to the research, can sometimes work. The worst part is that I’m constantly around a level of virtue that is completely unattainable in my own life.

By doing absolutely nothing other than being himself, Jon constantly makes me look at where I’m falling short and what I’m doing wrong without so much of an utterance. It is infuriating.

I know I’m fortunate to have such a decent, giving and kind chap but it is honestly exhausting being married to someone whose moral fibre is so perfect."

[SH_221B]

@pottipotato found your soulmate ra

[Spartan]

@Amrita  @Rushabhi  @AleAle

[Amrita]

4 minutes ago, Spartan said:

@Amrita  @Rushabhi  @AleAle

Enta essay kashtam ..i give up !! Flow lo rastanu kani chadavanu @Spartan 

[Myth1]

Calling @samaja_varagamana

 

 

[tennisluvr]

So bottom line is to cheat in your relationships anthe ga okay okay point noted your honor

[samaja_varagamana]

29 minutes ago, Myth1 said:

Calling @samaja_varagamana

 

 

dont kill dead snake daa

[Myth1]

15 minutes ago, samaja_varagamana said:

dont kill dead snake daa

  

[samaja_varagamana]

5 minutes ago, Myth1 said:

  

yada poinav inni denalu

[AndhraneedSCS]

30 minutes ago, tennisluvr said:

So bottom line is to cheat in your relationships anthe ga okay okay point noted your honor

Cheat ani akkada anatam ledu.

 

Just dont be perfect antunnaru.. 

 

Cheppi vellali Cheppulu vesukunni vellali ante kastam anta

[SH_221B]

35 minutes ago, tennisluvr said:

So bottom line is to cheat in your relationships anthe ga okay okay point noted your honor

yeah, be a jerk so that when the partner finds out, it gives them an opportunity to create a scene in the otherwise BORING life is what the woman is implying subtly

[SH_221B]

4 minutes ago, AndhraneedSCS said:

Cheat ani akkada anatam ledu.

 

Just dont be perfect antunnaru.. 

 

Cheppi vellali Cheppulu vesukunni vellali ante kastam anta

The woman said that. 

[AndhraneedSCS]

2 minutes ago, SH_221B said:

The woman said that. 

Okay. Cheat ante emiti define cheyyandi

 

Abaddam cheppadama? affair pettukovadama?

[SH_221B]

3 minutes ago, AndhraneedSCS said:

Okay. Cheat ante emiti define cheyyandi

 

Abaddam cheppadama? affair pettukovadama?

Please don't ruminate much. The woman is clear enough when she said "but I wish he’d lie, cheat, defame or slander"