spouse issues - need help

[DallasKarreBaluGadu]

9 minutes ago, DallasKarreBaluGandu said:

lanjeluuu body maintain cheyaru kanni kathal 10gadam lo first

@DallasKarreBalu chepindu monna mandu party lo

Lanjelu waste anna fuk and forget 

[baabaa]

3 hours ago, imhott said:

atleast part-time nanny unte better emo, will see the options

part time nanny helps bhayya. When my kids were small we had a helper come every evening and do dishes, laundry [iron and placing clothes in closet], and basic house/kitchen cleaning and sometimes cook koda chesedi [not indian but we ate their country food also]. $15/hr and every evening 2-3 hrs undedi but it was very helpful for us.

[Konebhar6]

4 hours ago, Gorantlamdhav said:

Naku em problem kanipiyatle

ame working, cooking

nuvvu working , kids management

oka 5 years manage chey vallu independent ayitaru

already balance vundi be happy 

arrange vacation with friends family once or twice a year so kids play and you relax

@imhott Above is a good suggestion. Even I do not see a problem. You are equally sharing work load with wife. Just analyze if your anger/mood swings might be due to a different reason but you are putting it on marriage coz its easy to blame what's in front. 

Analyze your situation with out prejudice and may be ask family friends (close ones that are sensible) what they see. Its always good to see the situation from a 3rd party. A lot of us do not go to counselling, give it a try. 

Mid life crisis emo. Or WFH issues and no social interaction is also causing a lot of this. 

[Konebhar6]

If doing dishes is a problem, start using paper plates (cheaper at walmart) on days when you have no energy. 

For iron of clothes, you don't need to iron. Put them in dryer for a minute or two. Most folds go away. Learnt this from a friend. 

there is always a solution for every problem. Look for it, rather than a decision that impacts kids. 

@imhott

[ZoomNaidu]

5 minutes ago, Konebhar6 said:

If doing dishes is a problem, start using paper plates (cheaper at walmart) on days when you have no energy. 

For iron of clothes, you don't need to iron. Put them in dryer for a minute or two. Most folds go away. Learnt this from a friend. 

there is always a solution for every problem. Look for it, rather than a decision that impacts kids. 

@imhott

[ZoomNaidu]

@imhott - Justify what ur 🆔 meant to ur wife once 😉😉😉

[Konebhar6]

2 hours ago, imhott said:

Alteast few days a week vellali, but as she doesn't drive I can spend only 5 hours at work and get back to pick up my ki.

Socializing is a problem ba. Make a friend or two. May be one of the kids moms  .Kidding. There is something else to your problem which you are not revealing or even you dont know. You need to look deep into yourself.

[Konebhar6]

1 hour ago, jpismahatma said:

Go to office . Come late.

Naa coleague okadu office lo assalu pani chesetodu kaadu. Very lazy. But I started seeing him in office staying late. Vadiki pani kuda leedu. I asked out of curiosity. He said Twins and both boys and are crazy. He is going late to home to avoid the situation. 

Wife and husband used to leave kids at YMCA (Baby sitting was free then) and go out for 4-5 hrs. Never actually worked out in the gym. 

[CuteDesiGal]

Divorce is the last thing dont even think about it. Sucidal thoughts anedhi inka worst be strong man. Financial burden ledhu bokka ledhu bathikunte inko job chesi ayina kattukovachu andharu cheppinatu hire a nanny. Iddaru job chesthe min 10k after tax vasthai em chesthunav vai avi anni. Household plus kids daycare motham kalipi oka 7k avuthai inko 1500 petti nanny ni hire chei. Work ayyaka workout chei evng ki oka chilled beer vei. Mee iddariki common interest unte vati meedha workout chei. Every 3months oka tour vei chinnadi ayina.

[MysoreJackson]

5 hours ago, imhott said:

Ive been stuggling a lot w/ spouse from sometime and seemingly at a dead end now.

We both work remotely full time and have 2 kids. they go to day care and school.

wife's top priority is her job and career. never cares about my, kids, or home. Only thing she does is cooks fresh food daily, which I truly appreciate btw. Rest all things I have to do, from getting kids ready to day care, their breakfast, dropping and picking from school, classes, feeding them dinner (incl. lunch on weekdays). Even in the class whatsapp group all are mom's of kids, I'm the only dad which is weird. She doesnt want to involve in any of kids things, doesnt know the name of kids day care or teachers, never asks them how their day was etc.

even kids got so used to me that they come to me if they are hungry, sleepy or even potty, even if their mom is next to them. Maybe they realized that she is not gonna help them in anyway. We cannot afford to hire a nanny due to our payscales. None of our family members can fly here due to health issues.

When I bring this topic to her, it always starts with an argument and ends with a fight. she never cares to listen and understand as most women do. I feel so overwhelmed with work, kids, house chores and so suffocated. I'm an introvert and have no good friend circle if I want to go out and spend time with them. I have very few good friends who are in other cities, i talk to them sometimes over call. our chex life is poor too. Given so much work at job, home and kids, I am not able to go out for sports or gym that I used to go few years back. I do 30-min workout at home 4-5 times a week which I enjoy.

these days I'm observing lot of mood swings in me, very happy for sometime and then suddenly very sad/angry for no reason. suddenly become so dull and outburst to tears even though I'm not thinking of anything. I should talk to a therapist maybe. This stress is going to kill me someday. getting lot of suicidal thoughts but then thinking of kids makes me not to take any drastic step. I went to my home in India sometime back, kadupu ninda trupti ga annam akkada tinna . she doesnt want to move to hyd for good also.

any help folks to how to manage myself? adagalante ne adola undi, never thought my life will be so much screwed up. is this normal at most households ?

Very sad to hear your story bro..

One of my cousin had a similar issue, his wife doing job and literally doesn’t care kids or take care of house cores. He did talk to her parents, relatives none of the options helped. Her parents think she doing job is great and next level types.

My cousin after many fights finalized agreed on cooking, cleaning , chores , pickup drop weekly rotation. 
cousin takes care of one kid and she takes care of one kid. This helped them.

You have to speak up and be adamant with your stand. Fix this asap or else very difficult for you even when if they grow up .
 

its really sad that she doesn’t even feed them when hungry … basic mother instinct adi… 

 

[imhott]

29 minutes ago, MysoreJackson said:

Very sad to hear your story bro..

One of my cousin had a similar issue, his wife doing job and literally doesn’t care kids or take care of house cores. He did talk to her parents, relatives none of the options helped. Her parents think she doing job is great and next level types.

My cousin after many fights finalized agreed on cooking, cleaning , chores , pickup drop weekly rotation. 
cousin takes care of one kid and she takes care of one kid. This helped them.

You have to speak up and be adamant with your stand. Fix this asap or else very difficult for you even when if they grow up .
 

its really sad that she doesn’t even feed them when hungry … basic mother instinct adi… 

 

yeah it is worse man, being a man we are somehow not expected to share the hardfeelings and keep all stress within ourselves.

hungry unte asalu food pettali ani kuda undadu, cook chesa kada ani reply iste emanali? incase feed cheste, maha aithe couple of annam muddhalu petti aypoyindi ani antundi, poor kids come to me after few minutes and say that they are still hungry and need more food. pathetic!

 

[Spartan]

Just now, imhott said:

yeah it is worse man, being a man we are somehow not expected to share the hardfeelings and keep all stress within ourselves.

hungry unte asalu food pettali ani kuda undadu, cook chesa kada ani reply iste emanali? incase feed cheste, maha aithe couple of annam muddhalu petti aypoyindi ani antundi, poor kids come to me after few minutes and say that they are still hungry and need more food. pathetic!

pillalni teskoni jump anna...

[imhott]

39 minutes ago, CuteDesiGal said:

Divorce is the last thing dont even think about it. Sucidal thoughts anedhi inka worst be strong man. Financial burden ledhu bokka ledhu bathikunte inko job chesi ayina kattukovachu andharu cheppinatu hire a nanny. Iddaru job chesthe min 10k after tax vasthai em chesthunav vai avi anni. Household plus kids daycare motham kalipi oka 7k avuthai inko 1500 petti nanny ni hire chei. Work ayyaka workout chei evng ki oka chilled beer vei. Mee iddariki common interest unte vati meedha workout chei. Every 3months oka tour vei chinnadi ayina.

na take home lo anni expenses/investments ayyaka maha aithe 400-500 migulutayi, tana takehome salary lo bane untay, couple of thousands, but she says its her money and no way she will use for us as a family.

[Spartan]

1 minute ago, imhott said:

na take home lo anni expenses/investments ayyaka maha aithe 400-500 migulutayi, tana takehome salary lo bane untay, couple of thousands, but she says its her money and no way she will use for us as a family.

all things are signalling to divorce anna...

 

[DallasKarreBaluGadu]

6 hours ago, Vaaaampire said:

Try couple counseling. If it doesn’t work, divorce

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0dMWqyJ77X/?igsh=cndjbHQ3amZybzBk