Why minorities/dalits are abandoning India’s trailblazing queer forums

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https://restofworld.org/2022/india-lgbtqi-forums/

Why minorities are abandoning India’s trailblazing queer forums

Facebook provided important spaces for Indian LGBTQIA communities, but now they're safe havens for the elite.

 

 

Illustration by Derek Abella for Rest of World

By ANKUR PALIWAL

27 JANUARY 2022 • NEW DELHI, INDIA

Why minorities are abandoning India’s trailblazing queer forums

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Growing up in Meerut, a city under 100 kilometers from New Delhi, Dahir Kumar struggled to make sense of why, as a man, he was sexually attracted to other men. He didn’t know anyone like him, or where he could turn to. Then, aged 18, his father bought him a cellphone that let him go online. 

Kumar — whose name has been changed because he is not out yet — turned to Google with his questions, asking it: “Why am I gay?” and “Is homosexuality good?” But one question topped the rest: Are there others like me here? He was eager to connect with his community. Eventually, he found a few gay men in his city through Facebook. His new connections helped Kumar, who is now 22, join a private Facebook group where there were lots of gay men, but, he told Rest of World, “they were there mostly to hook up.” He was looking for more. “I was looking for love and friendship,” he said. “I wanted to know what other people from the community were doing, what professions they had. People I could talk to about anything.”

In 2018, a community member added him to a private Facebook group called LGBTA+ India Your Second Family, which had over 12,000 members. They would encourage each other to come out, share their fears and struggles, and bond over traumas like sexual abuse. He was delighted to have found his community. Being part of it made him feel less alone. 

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But, over time, the gloss wore off. Kumar is Dalit, a member of one of the most marginalized communities in India. Dalits continue to face discrimination and violence due to their perceived low status within the ancient caste system. Even though the Facebook group preached inclusivity, Kumar increasingly felt excluded. 

In the summer of 2020, an admin from the dominant Brahmin caste posted a picture from a Pride parade that read “Smash Brahminical Patriarchy.” “[Why] do you think such controversial, random slogans are okay in Pride Parade?” the admin asked. Many of the responses were from queer men: “We should have pride for our issues, not others,” said one. “Not at all,” said another.

What should or should not be allowed in a queer space is one of the most common topics in these online groups, often initiated by gay men from privileged castes, making the discourse feel exclusionary. 

“People can have multiple identities which they deeply relate to,” Kumar said. “I am gay. And I am Dalit. I should be allowed to express both my identities freely in a safe space.”

The exclusion can be subtle, but it’s deeply felt and widespread. Rest of World spoke with 20 people with minority identities in the LGBTQIA community who said they felt alienated and discriminated online by mainstream queer groups.