My Collection of jokes......Have fun

[sundeep]

The Little girl:

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
'what would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about
‘How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first
A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass –
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
sh~t

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Call to God :

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
Noticed a golden telephone

mounted on the wall with a sign that read
'$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.  
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and
He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He
could talk to God.


‘O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Russia, Germany and France ...


In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000
per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to

see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

'One
Rupee per call.'

The American was surprised so he

asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to

Heaven,
But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?'

Readers, it is your turn........ Think.....before you scroll down...
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in India now, Son - it's a
Local
Call'.
This is the only heaven on the Earth

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Drinking (for) Friends:

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in
the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the
other in Canada and I'm here in London.

When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the
days when we drank together.

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers. All the other regulars notice
and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I
don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss"

The man looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no," he
said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive"

“The only thing is

................

................

................

I just quit drinking!!!


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In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out
to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

In UK, in 30 minutes it
caught 50 thieves;

In Spain, in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;

In Ghana ,
in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;
.
.
.
.
In India, in 15 minutes the machine was stolen.

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Dad: era exam pass ayyava...?
Son: ledu fail ayya..
Dad: pakkintlo "ammayni" chudu 1st class lo pass ayyindi..
Son : ala chusi chuse nenu fail ayyanu..
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The Best Relation Ever Is Between Two Eyes:

They Blink Together...
Move Together...
Cry Together...
See Together & Sleep Together...."

STILL They Never See Directly At Each Other...

'
But When They See A "GIRL"

'

'
One Will Blink & another Will Not...

'

'
Moral of the Story:    Girls Can Break All Kind of Relationships

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Dad, Son and Car:

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father..... With painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions..... . Sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder..
I hope you have a good day no matter what problems you may face
it's the only day you'll have before it's over.
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Good one read through......

Hey this is a good question. Try to answer this...
I read this in a book…..
Which, I wanted to share with you.

You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily,
when suddenly you pass by a
bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a
bus:

1. An old
lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once
saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming
about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very
well that

there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think
before you continue reading...

.............

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually
used as part of a job
application.

* You could pick up the old
lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;


* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life,
and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming
up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

.........
He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to
the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner
of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn thought limitations.

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Girl, Boy and an Angel:

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.
Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Angel: You have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes.
Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn't know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1 st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time ...): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish.
Angel: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Angel: Be as you wish.
Think friends, what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.
Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys scroll down...
******
******
Dear boys, don’t worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being worlds richest and the most handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don’t worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.
Hey....I told u girls not to read...
Just for fun with truth...

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Effort backed up by knowledge is important to achieve Success!

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?  The ship’s owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster.  He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully,   from top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
 
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life.

He carefully put his hammer away.. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
 
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
   
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer …..   $ 2.00
knowing where to tap.......... $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

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Funny Marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lover’s are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husband’s are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, the Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
------- -------------------------------------------- ----------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!



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The cop letter-A touching story

Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his possession.

He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speed limits.

Many a times he was caught by the cops and speed radars,

fined, but still he never bothered until.


One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him.

The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop and checked his license.

He then took out his pad and started Writing,

and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.

How much was this one going to cost?!!!

Wait a minute.


What was this????

Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Sanjay began to read:


"Dear Sanjay,

Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter.

She was six when killed by a car.

You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.

A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free.

Free to hug his three daughters.

I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven,

before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man.

A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did,

but I need to do it again. Even now.

Pray for me... And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."

Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and

head down the road.


He watched until it disappeared.

A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home,

praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
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Life is precious. Handle it with care.

Wise Facts

1. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY !
2. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
a. Tele-Phone
b. Tele-Vision
c. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE

3. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends


4. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR

5. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend or Boy friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend or boyfriend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.


6. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE?
Answer: On their MARRIAGE

7. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness....

Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.

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A short story with beautiful message
Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.


The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,

'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'

The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'

'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.

'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl.

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me,

chances are that I may let your hand go.

But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,

you will never let my hand go.'

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind,
but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This message is too short......but carries a lot of Feelings.

[balacm]

niceee

[duryaodhana]

first 5-6 are very good mama

[sundeep]

thanks dude

[bhargava_v]

dude anni jokes kadu kada so heading marchu...

[ramu]

*=:

[Guest rakesh35791]

*=: *=: *=: *=: *=: *=: *=:

heart touching.

specially speeding car di.

[lance]

keka vunnai mama *=: *=: you rock

[bitterkai]

good ones... *=: *=: *=:

[chicchara]

*=: *=: collection is good