Foreign Born Indian Desi ??? Experiences Dating Them ???

[kevinUsa]

n USA we call them ABCD (American born confused desi) because they are neither here nor there. Their parents teach them Indian culture and traditions and values. Then they grow in American society with Americans (school, college, job) so they absorb those values also. The ratio will differ from one person to another but they are a separate breed.

Anyone have experiences dating a guy/girl born in US/UK/Aussy/Canada etc whose parents are Indian. I spoke to one guy from Long Island and he was kinda very bossy, he said he wanted to meet me the next day, I said I dont meet that early as I would like to screen with some basic questions and see if the wavelength is good and we enjoy each others company. This guy said that it wont work for him and hung up. I was like shocked at that behavior. I think what I asked for was pretty reasonable and we both were 2 hrs away and meeting was a hassle. So I wanted to talk and see if meeting even made sense.

These ABCDs, they want the Indian girls to be up for everything, spontaneous and have Indian values too. Its confusing to date them as you dont know what they prefer - Indian way or American way. With American men or Indian men you can gauge but this category its tough. they have their own template in mind which is a mix of Indian and American culture and their expectations throws you off sometimes. is it even easy to date them ?

[kevinUsa]

My friends had set me up with an American born doctor when I first moved here. He lived in the same city as me, so we met a couple of times. He was extremely nice and genuine and I could relate to him (which doesnt usually happen). He spoke Telugu and had an accent but we caught up over shows we had watched during childhood, Indian parents and travel. Most of these men have Indian parents from India who are extremely afraid that there kids will lose their Indianness. So they grow up a little like us.
The Doctor did not have a lot of sexual experience but he did have some. I was not sure how I felt about it. More important he felt I was too naive and trusting, mainly because I had no sexual experience (?).This went back and forth and then we gave up.
I say this because - not all Indian American men are the same. In the few weeks I dated this guy, he made me feel extremely good about myself. He was not pushy, was not touchy touchy and was respectful of my feelings.

[kevinUsa]

his is quite true. Especially about the parental fear. But then they (we!) get over it eventually, because they are also afraid of having to interact with their opposite numbers in any marriage arranging negotiations scenario. And wish their children will find themselves a match -- either in college or at work, the traditional American way of finding a spouse.

In many large cities of USA and Canada, there are frequent sectarian get togethers, where children have grown up with other Indian children of same/similar ages. And they go to school together, because Indian parents contrive to buy houses in good school districts. There are also extra-curricular special interests, that are so indian -- like dance and music classes.... run by aunties who used to be performers in India, but in USA they sustain their practices by giving lessons. Some Indian youngsters who take deep interests in such activities, are quite a lot more Indian than same age young people in India. These are the ones who may travel to India and find themselves a match by the traditional route -- wheatish colour, well-versed in cooking, Tanjavur, Vadama etc..