ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Wife : "Do you want dinner?" Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?" Wife : "Yes and no."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?" Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden." Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles." Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing." Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour." Ladies, you can either share the news, educate or warn the poor darlings!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr. President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothin! g in connection with that........ Bush: What Tragedy ? What buildings? What people?? Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now? Bush: It's eight in the morning. Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" Bush says, "We're planning world war 3" The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman." And the gu! y exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!" Vajpayee turns ! to Bush a! nd says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="DarkRed"][size="6"]M&M's[/size][/color] [size="4"][color="Blue"]An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."[/color][/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 IDEAL SICK LEAVE CERTIFICATE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Doctor Certified Certified that Mr./Miss _________________ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours. It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as "Come over weekend..", "Let's work on holiday..", "Leave cannot be granted.." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes. In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient. Sd/- Dr. ____________ Regards
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [center] [b]Dating process: 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?[/b] [/center]
Recommended Posts