Jokes

[ManOnFire]

[color=#ff0000][size=5]DISCLAIMER: ALL THE JOKES POSTED IN THIS THREAD ARE PICKED FROM OTHER SITES/FORUMS/BLOGS[/size][/color]
[color=#ff0000][size=5] -Courtesy Internet[/size][/color]


[u]INSURANCE[/u]

The husband of a pregnant wife was thinking of buying insurance for his unborn baby.

So he asked Great Eastern and the agent said "Don't worry man, we'll provide insurance right FROM THE BASKET TO THE CASKET".

The man was impressed but thought that he should probably seek another opinion.
He then approached Prudential and the agent replied "Oh, we have a new insurance policy which can protect your unborn child FROM THE WOMB RIGHT UP TO THE TOMB".

The man was stunned but thought that maybe all salesmen like to bullshit and decided to see the agent from Life Insurance Corp of India (LIC India).

He told the LIC agent what Prudential and Great Eastern had to offer. The LIC agent thought for a while and then said "Tell you something, we have one that is even better than Prudential and Great Eastern. We'll insure your child FROM ERECTION TO RESURRECTION".

[ManOnFire]

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.

However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Credit card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm . I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the[b] ICICI[/b] Auto Loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."


Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"


....



....




....



Rajiv answers,[b] "They'll find us!"[/b]

[ManOnFire]

Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals.

The first one said, “I want someone to say I was a wonderful father.”

The second man said, “I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.”

The last man said, "I want someone to say, ‘He’s moving, he’s moving!’”

[ManOnFire]

[img]http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/trutv.com/graphics/blog/gallery/memes/impossible.jpg[/img]

[ManOnFire]

wife: manabbayi college lo cherina daggara nunchee dabbulu ekkada daachina thesestunnadandi.[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/banghead.gif[/img]
hubby: well then try to hide in his [b]text books[/b].. avi akkade untayi inko 4 years ayyina kooda [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/happy0069.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

[b][color="Blue"]A Father took his son to a psychiatrist and started explaining the problem.[/color]

[color="DarkOrchid"]Doc : cheppandi meeku etuvanti samasya undi ?[/color]
[color="Pink"][color="Red"]Fat : maa abbayiki rojoo kadhalu vindamante istam. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/conf%20(8).gif[/img][/color][/color]
[color="DarkOrchid"]Doc : [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/think1.gif[/img] manchidegaa... chinna pillalaku undalsina modati lakshanam.[/color]
[color="Red"]Fat : [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif[/img] kadhalatho problem ledu sir.. kaani avi vinnaka vaadu vaidyudu avvutha antunnadu.[/color]
[color="DarkOrchid"]Doc : [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/jump.gif[/img] maree manchidi.. future gurinchi meevaadiki manchi clarity vathchcesindi appude. inthakeee meeremi kadhalu chepparu[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/questionmark.gif[/img][/color]
[color="Red"]Fat : deyyam kadhalu...[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/fam%20(5).gif[/img][/color]
[color="DarkOrchid"]Doc : [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/think.gif[/img] em baboo... deyyam kadhalaki neeku vaidyam seyyalanipinchinda etla [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/questionmark.gif[/img].. ye vaidyam cheyyalanukuntunnav [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/questionmark.gif[/img][/color]
[color="Blue"]boy : BHOOTA VAIDYAM [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/happy0069.gif[/img][/color]
[color="DarkOrchid"]Doc : [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/faint.gif[/img][/color][/b]

[ManOnFire]

Shaadi K Function me ek SMART ladka ek ladki se:- Aap Dance karogi.?
Ladki shrma ke:- Yes,
Ladka Pyaar se:-
.
.

To Fir Aapki kursi main le Jaau...!

[ManOnFire]

Santa Ki Kamar Mein Bahut Dard
Ho Raha Thha, Biwi Se Bola.
“Ja Sath Wale Sharma Ji Se Iodex
Maang Ke La”
Patni: “Ji, Par Wo Log Denge Nahi”
Santa: “Haan Hai To Bade Kanjoos
Or Kamine Log, Chal Apni Hi
Almaari Se Nikaal Le..!

[ManOnFire]

Airport pr 3 admi apny beto ka intezar kr rahe the..

1st : hamara Sahebzada aa raha he..

2nd : hamara Nawabzada aa raha he...
...
Santa : josh me aa k hamara Haramzada aa raha he[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/smile11.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

Ek baccha roj math teacher ko phone lagata tha...

Teacher's Wife: kitne baar kha woh mar gye hai baar-baar phone kyu karte ho.

Baccha: Sun ke accha lagta hai [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/Big%20Grin.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

Wife [who is blonde] texted her husband at work

"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"


Husband :- "Spray some de-icer, or pour hot water on them!"


Wife a few minutes later:

"Done that,…….. now computer won't work at all”.

[ManOnFire]

[b][font="Comic Sans MS"][size="5"][color="Blue"]Living together with [/color][color="Red"]WIFE[/color] [color="SeaGreen"]is[/color] [color="Blue"]a [u]part of Living[/u][/color]

[color="Blue"]Living together with [/color][color="Purple"]same[/color][color="Red"]WIFE[/color] [color="SeaGreen"]for years together & still trying to be happy is[/color] [color="Blue"][u]ART OF LIVING[/u][/color][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/happy0069.gif[/img][/size][/font][/b]

[ManOnFire]

[color="Purple"][size="5"][b]Best way to explain the difference between Quality & Reliability[/b][/size][/color]


[size="4"][color="DarkGreen"]Quality[/color] is what you look for in your [b]girlfriend[/b][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/wub2.gif[/img]

[color="Blue"]Reliability [/color]is what you expect from your [b]wife [/b][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/angrywife.gif[/img][/size]

[ManOnFire]

Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.

Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.

In lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.

[ManOnFire]

[b]Sardarji becomes Catholic.[/b]

Each Friday night after work, Mr. Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Mr. Singh and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Sardar attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Singh's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Singh's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Singh, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb, but now you are a potato and tomato"..!!!!

The Priest fainted......