ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 As you are receiving e-mail, it’s wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally and with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing the scream, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here!"
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Dave, an engineer, was walking on a sidewalk one afternoon when his buddy Harry, also an engineer, pulls alongside him, riding a brand-new Harley-Davidson motorcycle. "Wow," said Dave, "where’d you get that?" Harry said, "You’ll never believe this. I was walking home last night when this woman rides up to me on this Harley. She stops, gets off the bike, removes her blouse, skirt, bra, shoes, and panties, and says, ’You can have anything you want.’" And Dave said, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful Princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Three engineers Joe, Bob and Tim were talking about how stupid their wifes can be. Joe; "My wife is so stupid that she bought pet equipments and we have no pets!" Bob;"My wife is so stupid she bought a dish washer to our cottage and we do not even have electricity there!" Tim;"My wife is the most stupid, she is going on a one week trip to Europe and she bought condoms - and she does not have a [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]!"
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Doctor: Do you watch your husbands face while making love? Lady: I did once & saw anger. Doctor: why? Lady: Because he was watching from the window
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Wife sits for 4hours looking at her marriage cerftificate. Husband asks "what are u doing?" She replies: "I’m looking for the [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]in expiry date!!!!!!!
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Better than Divorce A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph. He then says, "I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she’s up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge. This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn’t there anything you want?" The wife says, "No, I’ve got everything I need." "Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?" Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A man boards an airplane for a trip and as he sits down, he sees the man beside him has a black eye. This amuses him as he has a black eye also. They look at each other and laugh. The first man finally asks, "How did you get that shiner?" The second man replies, "Well, it was a tongue twister. I was at the counter buying my ticket this morning and the girl behind the counter had the most gorgeous [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]s I have ever seen. I looked at her and meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburgh, but I actually asked for a picket to Titsburgh. She got pissed off and smacked me one right in the eye." After a good laugh, the second man asked the first, "So tell me your tale, how did you get your shiner?" The second man replied, "Same way, a tongue twister. This morning I was at the breakfast table and meant to ask my wife to pour me a bowl of cornflakes, but I actually said, You ruined my life you stupid [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A Day at the Races This guy is sitting quietly reading his newspaper when this wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the head with a magazine. "Ouch" he says. "What was that for?" "That was for the piece of paper I found in your pants, with the name Laura Lou written on it." "Two weeks ago when I went to the track, Laura Lou was the name of a horse I bet on" he explained. "Oh Honey I’m so " his wife said, "I should have known there was a good reason." Three days later while watching TV his wife walked up behind him and hit him with an iron skillet, knocking him out cold. When he came to he said. "What in the world was that for?" "Your horse called" screamed his wife.
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 I woman finds a lamp in her beachfront hous’s front yard and she rubs it and out comes a gini. The gini says she can have three wishes, but whatever she wishes for her husband will get that same wish but ten times more, "better". For her first wish she said: "I wish I was the richest person alive" but her husband is ten times richer than her, and she is unhappy because of this. Her socond wish is: "I wish I was the most beautiful person in the universe!" But her husband is ten times more beautiful. So she thinks for a moment and says: "I wish I had a mild heart attack."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A programme was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider’s home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3 inch floppy. … … you just hoped nobody ever found out!
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A programme was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider’s home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3 inch floppy. … … you just hoped nobody ever found out!
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Tech : Hi, Tech Support my I help you ? Client : Yes my system can not read the CD I just put in. Tech : Ok, I can help you, First I would like you to go to "My Computer" Cleint : What’s your address.........
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 Microsoft joke There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Recommended Posts