ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see a blonde behind the wheel knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 In the corridor of a government office was a signboard reading "Don't make a noise." someone added the following words: "Otherwise we may wake up"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the quietest place in the world? A: The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; "I'm I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room says, "There's a calendar behind you."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. Johnny: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, "I always do."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 One day as Santa came home early from work, he saw a guy jogging naked. Santa asked, "Hey, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: How does a cop open a can ? A: He points the gun to it and shouts: "Police, open up! You are surrounded!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country" ? A: It beats, beats, beats...
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why there are always two cops in a car patrol ? A: In case the siren won't work, one of them to scream [b]"Wouuuu-Wouuuuu"[/b] and the other - [b]"Blue, Red, Blue, Red, Blue, Red.."[/b]
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man was prosecuted. The judge asked him, "Don't you need a lawyer?" To which he replies, "No, I don't need any, I'm going to tell the truth."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first? A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said "CLEAN TOILETS 8 Kms". By the time he drove eight Km, he had cleaned 14 toilets
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