ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A tourist from the city was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to an old man in the local pub. "And have you lived here all your life, sir?" asked the tourist. And the old man, with a wise look, said, "Not yet."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 They're the perfect match, he's a history teacher and she likes dates.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine's Day? A: You're fun to hang around with!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A husband and wife are shopping when the wife says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What should we buy her? She would like something electric." The husband replies, "How about a chair?!?"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my body? He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humor.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" A: He replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do bees do with their honey? A: They cell it.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the definition of bravery? A: A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 15 times."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 he traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed to the conductor: "Can't you go any faster than this?" "Yes," was the serene reply, "but I have to stay aboard."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Guy: Baby, drinking makes you beautiful. Gal: I don't drink. Guy: I do
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Boss in government department: Why didn't you take the leave due to you this year? Civil servant: I needed the rest.
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