ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7? A. Because 7, 8, 9 !!!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son, I'm still paying"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Can you do anything that other people can't? A: Sure, I can read my handwriting.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws is? A: Outlaws are wanted!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?" The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father." "Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 His wife said: "Be an angel and let me drive." So he did, and now he is.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's a mixed feeling? A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased - what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. The widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your dad.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 If these pills don't stop the kleptomania," said the psychiatrist, "try and get me a nice video camera.
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