ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man visits the doctor. The doctor says "I have bad news for you.You have AIDS and Alzhiemer's disease". The man replies "Well,thank God I don't have AIDS!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? A: Big holes all over Australia!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 • Easiest way to die: 1. Have a cigar daily - you will die10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily - you will die 30 years early. 3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor? A: A jeweler sells watches whereas a jailor watches cells!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day? A: On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1? A: Because they've just finished a long March!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, when he was approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A company offered Rs 500 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to Rs 250.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. --Marcel Achard
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why do people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older. A: They're cramming for their finals.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What is a man's idea of helping with the housework? A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the difference between women an government bonds? A: Bonds mature.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
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