Jokes

[ManOnFire]

"My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens."

[ManOnFire]

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food...
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

[ManOnFire]

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"

[ManOnFire]

My wife always says to me, "Give me money, give me money."
What does she do with all the money?
Dunno. Never gave her a penny.

[ManOnFire]

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

[ManOnFire]

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"?
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

[ManOnFire]

A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me."
One kid answered "He married my mother."

[ManOnFire]

A man was standing on the scale, sucking in his stomach.
The man's wife sarcastically said, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it does," he said. "How else could I see the numbers?

[ManOnFire]

Preeto was almost in tears. "Oh Kanta," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it for one minute !" Kanta snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"

[ManOnFire]

A man walked into the tax collector's office and sat down and smiled at everyone.
"May I help you?" said the clerk in charge.
"No," said the man. "I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years."

[ManOnFire]

An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?

[ManOnFire]

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up from the table and said, "I have to go back to the office. I forgot to lock the safe!"
"What are you worried about?" the other said. "We're both here."

[ManOnFire]

An interviewer asked, "Can you operate a typewriter?"
"Yes, sir, I use the Biblical system."
"I never heard of it."
"Seek and ye shall find."
Have a great day!!

[ManOnFire]

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

[ManOnFire]

Dave jumped up from the card table white with rage.
"Stop this game," he shouted, "Joe is cheating!"
"How do you know?"
"He's not playing the hand I dealt him!"