ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b]MICROSOFT FIX JOKE[/b] There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Girl's Diary VS boy's Diary HER DIARY Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, soIely thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made .Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is gonna be a disaster. _______________________________
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b][size="3"]HIS DIARY Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh. IT. Simplicity of Men Vs Complexity of Women !!![/size][/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [center][b][size=6][color=RoyalBlue]Math's Teacher: If you have 12 Chocolates and you Give 5 to Lela, 3 to Anita and 4 to Julia Then what will u get???? . . . . . . . . . . . . Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!![/color][/size][/b][/center]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly. 'Where is God?'. The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, Where is God?? Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, WHERE IS GOD??? The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, What happened The younger brother, gasping for air, replied, We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing, and they think WE did it!!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 FUNNY INTERVIEW Officer : What Is Your Name ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Tell Me Properly Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir Officer : Your Father's Name ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : What Does That Mean ? Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir Officer : Your Native Place Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ? Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir Officer : What Is Your Qualification? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ? Candidate : Metric Pass Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : And What Does That Mean ? Candidate : Money Problem Sir Officer : Describe Your Personality Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : What Is It Now Candidate : My Performance....? Officer : Mp !!! Candidate : What Is That Sir..? Officer : Mentally Pu
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have! "Life is too short and friends are too few."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr. President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothin! g in connection with that........ Bush: What Tragedy ? What buildings? What people?? Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now? Bush: It's eight in the morning. Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A Dog's Story A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the Guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key." Moral of the story: You try to always find shortcomings and forget to appreciate people for their good deeds.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b]Gorilla Control[/b] [color="Blue"]A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun. "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated." "Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?" "In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."[/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a sexy leather bodice, stilettos and mask over their eyes ... After a few days they meet again........ The engaged girlfriend said: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, you are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long. The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild *** all night. The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night; I got myself ready, leather bodice, and super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Hi, I am Vijay Malya. My team has lost IPL. I had invested 400 cr but now I am doomed. I don’t know you but U can help me overcome my loss. I request all the techies to drink Kingfisher beer instead of tea or coffee while on work. This will not only help me overcome my loss but also increase your creativity and hence productivity. If U have heart please forward this to all your friends. Plz do not delete it. I promise u all a better team in the coming season
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 The Burned Ears A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...'' ''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked. ''They called back.''
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Suicidal statements from husbands/boyfriends Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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