ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][size="6"]The Magician and the Parrot[/size][/color] [color="Blue"][size="4"]There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good. He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!'' The magician chased the bird away. The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!'' The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank. The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot. They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''[/size][/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A young couple on the brink of divorce decided to visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asked the wife about the problem. “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation,” she said. “Is this true?” the counselor asked, turning to the husband. “Well, not exactly,” he replied. “She’s the one who suffers, not me.”
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="RoyalBlue"][size="6"]Let's Talk[/size][/color] [size="4"]A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?" Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ######?"[/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b]UPCOMING TELUGU MOVIES:[/b] Intlo baava Office lo Java, Atthaku Skybase Ammayiki Database, Fire aina Mogudu - Job vachhina pellam, Priyudu nerpina PASCAL, Job ochina kottallo, Project dorakani Papa, Iddaru programmerla muddula tester, Gova lo Java, Maa aayana SAP, Yevandi mailochindi, Oka computer iddaru programmerlu, Coding Ramudu, Ninne debug chesta, Data clean chesukundam ra, SAP Parashuram, COBOL kaatesindi, Lotus lo lolli, Nee Password Naaku Telusu ! Programergaaru baagunnara? Priyuraliki Oka E-Mail, State tester, naaku already job vundi, Testing ante ideraa .. Patnam vachina programmers
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][size="6"]Free S*e*x Contestants[/size][/color] [size="4"]Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest. "If you win, you're entitled to free S*e*x," said the attendant. "How do we enter?" asked the first man. "Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free S*e*x." "O.K. I guess 7, " said the first man. ", I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again" The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on. "Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free S*e*x." "2" said the second man ", I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again." As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man,"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged." "No way," said the second man. "My wife won twice last week."[/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][size="6"]A man has six children...[/size][/color] [color="Blue"][size="4"]A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?" His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"[/size][/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Marital Counseling A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Marital Counseling A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][size="6"]Stumpy and His Wife[/size][/color] [color="DarkSlateBlue"][size="5"]Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."[/size][/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" Bush says, "We're planning world war 3" The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman." And the gu! y exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!" Vajpayee turns ! to Bush a! nd says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="DarkRed"][size="6"]M&M's[/size][/color] [size="4"][color="Blue"]An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."[/color][/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr. President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothin! g in connection with that........ Bush: What Tragedy ? What buildings? What people?? Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now? Bush: It's eight in the morning. Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received. About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!" Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste.
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