ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b][color="Red"]A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What, my dear?" she asked gently. "You're a goddamn jinx!"[/color][/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some ------- has stolen our tent."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b]A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life." So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong?' " he asks. "You gave me the wrong key!"[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told her. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the lady asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!" "Well, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight." The homeless Woman was shocked, "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The lady said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist." The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker." They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? " She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, F[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]k, Etc."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color=Red][size=6]Name the Animal, Kids[/size][/color] [size=5][color=Blue]Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job! Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.[/color][/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [img]http://www.gawker.eu/images/funnybaby.jpg[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [size=6][font=Comic Sans MS][b]Sardar and the Lie Detector[/b] [/font][/size] [size=5][font=Georgia][color=Red][b][i]An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.[/i][/b][/color][/font][/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [quote name='Silver_mani' timestamp='1343056284' post='1302185283'] [/quote] Thank you Mani...
Silver_mani Posted July 23, 2012 Report Posted July 23, 2012 [quote name='ManOnFire' timestamp='1343056404' post='1302185299'] Thank you Mani... [/quote] Bagundi mama thread ... continue chesey
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [quote name='Silver_mani' timestamp='1343056450' post='1302185303'] Bagundi mama thread ... continue chesey [/quote]
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [size=6][font=Comic Sans MS][b]Sardar and the Lie Detector[/b] [/font][/size] [size=5][font=Georgia][color=Red][b][i]An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.[/i][/b][/color][/font][/size]
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" they asked. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing. "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a [color="Red"]divorce lawyer[/color]."
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