ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money. "You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!" "Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!"
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [color="Purple"][font="Comic Sans MS"][size="5"]A TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTER ACCUSED ME OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT ....... [/size][/font][/color][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/blink.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [font="Comic Sans MS"][size="5"][color="Purple"]I want to share everything with u --- your joys ,your sorrows, your happymoments , every single second of the day------- so lets start with your [size="6"]ATM [/size][size="5"]PASSWORD[/size][/color][/size][/font][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/blink.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 How to Catch a Lion[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/Big%20Grin.gif[/img]ifferent Methods Newton 's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.. Implies you caught lion. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily. Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion. Indian Police Method: Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion . Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself. Jayalalitha Method: Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping ! Manirathnam Method (director): Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide. Karan Johar Method (director): Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don't understand right... ok.... read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont! Yash Chopra method (director): Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location. Govinda method: Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. Menaka Gandhi method: Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 BUG ante... Chiru:: 'Idhigidhigo bossu .... Maree antha speed aiypomaaku story maaripoddhi... As Tagore Mana program lo mottam 2500 lines vunnayi Andulo 1250 bugs vunnayi Andulo 750 Runtime bugs ithey migilinavi, 500 bugs compile time bugs. Mana programlo ekkada choosinaa ..BUG!..BUG!..BUG!...ila prathi line lo inni BUGS vunte program ela execute cheyyali Sir!!..inni bugs choosi visugu chendaanu,elagainaaa BUGS rectify cheyyalanukunnanu.....anduke ABF(Anti Bugs Force) ane software tayyaru chesaanu...!..BUGS nu rectify chesaanu!....Nenu chesindhi tappani anipisthe naaku appraisals ivvakkarledu, hikes ivvakkarledu...assalu SALARY ne ivvaddu SIR!!! PM: Andaru TESTERlu company lo pudataaru..kaani Nuvvu janam lo nunchi puttina TESTER vayya..!! *Aparichithudu*: *Oka line lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - kadu* *5 lines lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - china thappu * *5 programs lo 5 lines lo 5 bugs Vunte thappu kada - pedda thappe.* Prabhas: 'Smile Smile Smile Ee Prapancham entho peddadi, Andhulo ee software entho chinnadhi, Andhulo ee bug chala chala chinnadhi, so don't bother about it, Smile Smile Smile'. Mahesh Babu: 'Bug ni chudalanukovacchu - Tappu ledu Rectify Cheyyalanukovaddu - Chacchi Pothav' Nenu entha chetta tester no naake teliyadu!! Balaiah: Nee bugs lo dammenta, nee Code lo pavarenta... Nenu talachukunte kantichooputo bugs ni Srushtistaa Nee program open chesaa...Andulo BUG petta..! Nuvvu nijam gaa TESTER aithe ,Niyyabba nuvvu chadivindhi testing concepts ee aithe....BUG kanukkora chooddam! !! NTR: EE baggulu mottamodata create chesindhi maa taata.....program lo pettindhi maa taata...vaatitho nuvvendhiraa nannu peekedhi!! Nag: 'Oye yetthi kottanante yetlo padadame kadu Surru summaipodhi, Bug Big ayipodhi!!. Venkatesh: 'Ayyo Ayyo Ayyayyo Any Language Any Compiler Any no of Bugs Single Hand -> Ganesh' Legebrity-Mohan Babu: The relationship between tester and BUG is like a fish and water ,but not fish and fisherman..!!.....eppudo chinnappu chaduvukunna chaduvu grammer tpeach vunte manninchu....assalu arthame tappanukunte kshaminchu!! Pity Star (UdayKiran): 'Chi Chi mee peddolunnarey, Coffee aani, Tea aani, Meetings aani, Savalaksha Karanalu cheppi ma time waste chestaru. Repu udayam padakondu gantalaki ee bug ni solve chesi ma youth power ento chupista' Now suddenly PowerStar will enter and say :- 'Matter chusthe chinna area, dheentlo pedda chikkulu, Andukey chepthunnanu my dear friend's TESTING -GISTING ane tokkalo panulu pettukuvaddu!!
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [b]**Blonde Police Applicant***[/b] A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?" "Ummm... 4!" the blonde says. Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?" "Ummm... 10!" the blonde says. "Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. "OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" "Ummm... I don't know," she admits. "Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. "Not only did I get the job," the blonde says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [font="Comic Sans MS"][size="5"][color="DarkRed"]Husband : Honey, we must get our daughter married to an intelligent man Wife : If only my father were so thoughtful...[/color][/size][/font].[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [b]**Divorce Vs Murder***[/b] A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, [b]"I need it to poison my husband."[/b] The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my Spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. God, I said. Can you give me one good reason not to quit His answer surprised me... Look around, He said. Do you see the fern and the bamboo Yes, I replied. When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said. In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit. He said. Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle. He said to me. Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others. He said. The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful. Your time will come, God said to me. You will rise high How high should I rise I asked. How high will the bamboo rise He asked in return. As high as it can I questioned Yes. He said, Give me glory by rising as high as you can. I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. He will never give up on you!
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 [b]A Chick With Long Legs [/b] A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there." "That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. "That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah. The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell The little girl replied, Then you ask him.
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, They will in a minute.
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honour thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, Thou shall not kill.
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, Why are some of your hairs white, Mom Her mother replied, Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white
ManOnFire Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Posted July 24, 2012 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray Take only ONE. God is watching. Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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