ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 [b]Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel[/b] Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?" Answer: "tea please" Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?" Answer : "Ceylon tea " Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?" Answer: "white" Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?" Answer: "With milk " Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk" Answer: "With cow milk please. Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?" Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. " Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?" Answer: "With sugar" Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?" Answer: "Cane sugar " Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?" Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead." Question: "Mineral water or still water ? " Answer: "Mineral water" Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?" Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 [b]Indian Mother [/b] Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her,jus to be sure." So he sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Kumar Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/faint.gif[/img]... Love, Mom. [b]Lesson of the day:[/b] [color="Red"]Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....especially if she is Indian ![/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 [b]Intresting Wishes!![/b] A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.' The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!' The woman said, 'That's okay.' For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'. The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.' So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. ' The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.' So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack!' [u]Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them! [/u] [b]Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good! [/b] [b][color="Red"]Male readers: Please scroll down. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/Big%20Grin.gif[/img] [/color][/b] The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show! PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 [b]Genuine Doubt [/b] In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharata Story to class 6 students. He is at the ' Krishna Janma' part of it. Masterji: "Kamsa heard the Aakaashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars. First Son is born, and kamsa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kamsa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born ..... Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. "Masterji, I have a doubt" (sounding nervous n confused) Masterji: "Ramu beta, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata Then how come u have one?" Ramu: "Masterji, if Kamsa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL? " Masterji fainted.........................
ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 [b]Valid reason to divorce[/b] A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland . Is th ere any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".
ManOnFire Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Posted July 25, 2012 Friendship Has No Fear A soldier approached his officer; seeking his permission to fetch his friend, not yet back from the battlefield. The officer refused permission stating that his friend would be probably dead. There was no point in going out and losing his life, too, the officer said. Unmindful of the consequence, the soldier went and an hour later returned, mortally wounded, carrying his dead friend. The officer was furious; “Ï told you he was dead. Now I’ve lost both of you. Tell me, was it worth going out there to bring in a corpse” The dying man replied, “Öh, it was sir. When I got to him he was still alive. And he said to me, ‘Jack, I was sure you would come.” Friendship has no fear. It expresses itself in sacrifice. Humanity survives purely because of love for each other.
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [b]Sonia Gandhi in Kaun Banega Karodpati? [/b] ************ ********* **** Amitabh : Soniaji, ab aakhri saval, ek Crore ke liye. Who is the chief minister of Gujarat? Your options are... A). LALOO PRASAD VILASRAO DESHMUKH C) ARJUN SINGH D) NARENDRA MODI Sonia : it's D, Narendra Modi. Amitabh : are you sure? Lock kar doon? Sonia : If u really lock him, I will give you one crore! ************ ********
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika? Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya, Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai, Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya, Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Judge: U r crossing the limits. Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai? Judge: How dare you saala? Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai? (my favorite)
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do. Saheb: Kal aana. Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!
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