ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 A man is almost about to die As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 This wife is too jealous There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 All I Want Is a Beer! A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became bored. So he thought to himself, "Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now." So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar. And, after a few minutes he came across one. He casually went inside and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously, the man says, "Bud Light please." The bartender then asked what the name of his [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img] was. The man looked at him with confusion and said, "What are you talking about? All I want is a Bud Light and, besides, I have no name for my [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]." The bartender, calming the man, said, "Look around, all you see is men. That is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a drink, you state the name of your [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]. Then I'll serve you a drink." The man, really thirsty for a beer, now says, "Fine. Give me couple of minutes to think, and I'll order when I come up with something." So he is thinking about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up with anything. So he decides to ask the guy next to him for an idea. The man states, in a feminine voice, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin." The man quickly turns away and asks another man to his right. That man states in a deep, gruff voice, "I call my Ford, because it is built ram tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?" Again, the man quickly turns away. Then, suddenly he says, "Bartender, come here, I am ready to order." The bartender says, "What'll ya have?" The man says, "A Bud Light please." The bartender asks, "What is the name of your [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img]?" The man responds, "Secret... strong enough for a man but made for a woman."
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 The Devil's Lawsuit There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ''Oh, I am , my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything else -- and he was on his way. When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits.” Then the worker replied, “That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward.” So he fixed the wall. Satan, intrigued, asked, “What else can you build?” So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it. Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, “I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven.” Satan replied, “No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him.” God then said, “Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages. Satan just laughed: “And where are you going to find a lawyer?”
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Stinkin' Proof One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog. When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food. One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food. Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!" The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [u][b]7 year old getting married [/b][/u] Little Bobby (seven) was in love with Little Susie (same age) who lived next door. One day, Bobby went to Susie's dad and announced (as seriously as he could), "I'm in love with Susie, and we're getting married". Amused, Susie's dad started asking questions (in the hopes to discourage the idea). Susie' dad: "Where will you live?" Bobby: "Well, Susie has a playhouse in the back yard, so we're gonna live there." Susie's dad: "How are you going to make money to support her?" Bobby: "Well, Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week." "That should be more than enough!" Seeing that Bobby was still serious, Susie's dad asked, "Well, what about children?" Bobby perked up and quickly answered, "Oh, we have that figured out already. Whenever Susie lays an egg, I'm gonna stomp on it!"
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Who's the Boss? A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers." she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family." With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [color="Red"][b]Fooling The Professor [/b][/color] Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. [b]Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was."[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [b][color="Red"]Driving Home One Afternoon[/color][/b] A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it. The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were [b]trying to give her back to me![/b]"
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [b]Presents For Teacher [/b] On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" [b]The boy replied, "A puppy!"[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 Did you ever think MSN email or MSN chatting wasnt that good? Didn't you like to email your friends or chat with them? However this Person didnt like it! And look how he conveys the message! [img]http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/6643/50878021au4.jpg[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Posted July 28, 2012 [img]http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/8296/67837385by7.jpg[/img]
qualityposter Posted July 28, 2012 Report Posted July 28, 2012 [img]http://i52.tinypic.com/fk15w2.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 Jab Himesh Reshmya Mar Gaya, To Bhagwan Ne Usse Pucha Tumne Zindagi me kya kiya, Himesh Bol, Ishq kiya kiya, ishq kiya kiya re. Bhagwan ne kha Ishq kyun kiya Himesh: Tanha jiya Na jaye, Tanha Raha Na jaye. Bhagvan: Mein tere ko chorunga nahi, Himesh: Ya ali madad Ali Ya Ali, Himesh Wahan Se Bhaga, Bhagwan uske pechey bhaga aur bola, Jhalak dikhlaja, Ek bar aaja Aaja Aa ja.
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