ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 Why men don't write advice columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady . I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mrs... Lisa Dear Lisa: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps. Walter
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 a joke told by my manager When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You are next". They stopped that ###### after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 Twinkle Twinke little star >>>> Merishe merishe oo chinna chukka how I wonder what you are >>>> Naku samaj aitale neev endo up above the world so high >>>> Bhoomi kelli anta paina like a diamond in the sky >>>> akashamla vajram leka unav le
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 ack and Jill went up a hill >>>> Jacku gadu Jillu gadu konda meediki poinru to fetch a pail of water >>>> Kundala neelu teenike Jack fell down and broke his crown >>>> Jack gadu kindavadi bok kal suram param cheskundu And Jill came tumbling after. >>>> jillu gadu guda vani enakala vadi dorlukunta ochindu
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 Ringa Ringa roses >>>> Gol Gol tirige Gulab poolu Pcoket full of posses >>>> Jeb ninda posslu Asha Busha all fall down >>>> Arre!!!! andar kinda vaddar le
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 Johny Johny,yes papa, >>>> Johnyga johnyga, endi naina eating sugar no papa >>>> shakkar bukkinav le, ledu naina telling lies no papa >>>> Joota cheptunav le, ledu naina Open your mouth >>>> Jaranta nor teruv hahahaha >>>> tersina choosko naina hahaahahah
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 [img]http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/6905/slippersqi1.png[/img]
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 [img]http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/4534/57253374ys7.jpg[/img]
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 [b][b][b]Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"[/b][/b][/b]
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 The Wife A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied.
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 [b][color="Blue"]George Bush in a School[/color][/b] George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob". "And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And Fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 [b][color="DimGray"]When the teacher entered the class all the boys were standing. The teacher said: 'Now, all of you sit down except those who are absolutely dull and duffers?' All the boys sat down except Rajan. Teacher: 'Why Rajan? Are you absolutely dull and a duffer?' Rajan: 'No sir. The thing is that you were standing alone and it didn't look good to me.'[/color][/b]
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
ManOnFire Posted August 2, 2012 Author Report Posted August 2, 2012 George Bush, [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img][img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/censored.gif[/img] Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy."
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