ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the advantage of being married to a blonde ? A: You can park in handicapped zones
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do you do when a Santa throws a pin at you ? A: Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do you do when Santa throws a hand grenade at you ? A: Pull the pin and throw it back
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? A: Post Office
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill at a party, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea." To which Churchill retorted, "And Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A Man goes to the doctor for some tests. Few weeks later he asks for the results. Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Man: I suppose I better have the good news first. Doctor: We’re going to name a disease after you
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A drunken man gets on the bus late one night and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell!" Man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Dammmmmn, I'm on the wrong bus!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why don't anteaters get sick ? A: Because they're full of anty-bodies !
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? A: At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing? A: "The runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: How can you tell a bachelor from a married man? A: A bachelor comes to work from a different direction each morning
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