ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 The weatherman is the only person who can be wrong every single day and still have their boss tell them see ya tomarrow
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by a Polish scientist in the 18th century. The invention was later modified by a Jewish inventor who put a hole in the seat.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 The good news: Saddam is facing the Death Penalty. The bad news: Beckham's taking it !!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 [b]A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said, "Your wife's mind has completely gone!" To which the man replied, "I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"[/b]
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A doctor says to a patient, "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is I amputated the wrong leg. The good news is your bad leg is getting better!"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Q: What do women and tax forms have in common? A: Men love to cheat on them.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. Listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" The man shrugged. "But who'll tell?"
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 When in life, you wake up and you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist!
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 he Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 True bravery is arriving home late, after a boys night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom and asking ... Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Why are all those people running? They are running a race to get a cup. Who will get the cup? The person who wins. Then why are all the others running?
ManOnFire Posted August 12, 2012 Author Report Posted August 12, 2012 Soon after their wedding, the bride told her groom, "Darling, now that we are married, I want you to fire your secretary." "But honey," replied the groom, "you used to be a secretary yourself." "Yes," she continued, "and that's why I want you to fire her!"
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