ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 Employee Performance Review terms ... and what they REALLY mean Average Employee........................Not Too Bright Exceptionally Well Qualified............Made No Major Blunders Yet Active Socially.........................Drinks a Lot Character above Reproach................Still One Step Ahead Of the Law Quick Thinking..........................Offers Plausible Excuses Careful Thinker.........................Won't Make a Decision Plans for Advancement...................Buys Drinks for All the Boys Aggressive..............................Obnoxious Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs............Gets Someone Else To Do It Expresses Themselves Well...............Speaks English Meticulous Attention to Detail..........A Nit Picker Has Leadership Qualities................Is Tall or Has A Loud Voice Exceptionally Good Judgment.............Lucky Keen Sense of Humour....................Knows a Lot of Dirty Jokes Career Minded...........................Back Stabber Of Great Value to the Organization......Gets To Work on Time Relaxed Attitude........................Sleeps At Desk Work Is First Priority..................Too Ugly To Get A Date Independent Worker......................Nobody Knows What He/She Does Great Presentation Skills...............Able To Bullshit Good Communication Skills...............Spends Lots of Time on Phone Loyal...................................Can't Get a Job Anywhere Else
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [b]"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..." 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 A geeky joke One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!" "Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hurt me. After all, I'm e^x." So e^x walks down the street to the Differential Operator. "My friend tells me you're a Differential Operator," e^x says pompously. "Well, I'm e^x." "Pleased to meet you, e^x," says the Differential Operator. "I'm d/dt."
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [b]There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the ****ing potatoes!!!!"[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [color="Sienna"][b]A teacher in a mathematics lecture asks a 3rd STD class, "If there are 3 birds on a tree and u shoot one of them, how many birds would remain??" Johnny, the naughtiest of the lot, shoots up his hand. Teacher: "O.K. Johnny, what's the answer?" Johnny: "NONE, maa'm. Teacher: "How?" Johnny: "After hearing the shot, all the other birds will also fly away." Teacher: "No Johnny, the answer here is 2, but I like the way u r thinking. Now Johnny has a doubt. Johnny: "Teacher can I ask u a question?" Teacher: "Sure". Johnny: "There are three ladies having Ice cream at the parlor. The first one is eating it; the second is lic king it while the third one is suc king on it. Can u tell which one of the lady is married??" Teacher is terribly embarrassed, but she puts On a brave face and answers: "I....I...... I guess the one which is suc king on the ice cream is married." Johnny: "NO maa'm, the one who has the wedding ring on her finger is married, BUT I LIKE THE WAY U R THINKING"!!!!![/b][/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [b][color="Olive"]Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test? Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8 Father: So? Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8. On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8. If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?[/color][/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 in 1947.. pakis were saying Pakistan Zindabd !! pakistan Zindabad !! in 2009.. pakis are saying Pakistan se zinda bhag !! Pakistan se zinda bhag !!
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 HERE IS biological analysis of male and female brain ..................... [img]http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/images/male_brain.gif[/img] Since female brains are a bit complicated .. there two hemispherical analysis [img]http://moremashup.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/brain_female1.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.optimalfriction.com/archives/female_brain.gif[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [img]http://www.bmwblog.com/wp-content/uploads/3427670079_fa8f403233_b.jpg[/img]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed . The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 A man went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton. Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest. Bill: Dig the ground. man did it. Bill: more...more...more... man went up to 100 feet. Bill: So now, try to search something. man: I got a wire. Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. man became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill was in India manman : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest. man: Dig it. Bill does. man : more...more...more... Bill goes up to almost 400 feet.. man : try to find something. Bill tries. man : Did you get anything? Bill : No, there is nothing here. man : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS network..
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [b][color="Red"]Have you heard that a company has come out with a new cell phone made just for senior citizens?[img]http://www.ajokeaday.com/Images/Iconos/viejitosSolo.gif[/img] It not only has bigger numbers, rotary dial and the best feature; it has less memory.[/color][/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [b][color="Red"]A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."[/color][/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 Bill Gates and the president of General Motors were having lunch. Gates boasted of the innovations his company had made. "If GM had kept up with technology the way Microsoft has, we'd all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000 m.p.g." "I suppose that's true," the GM exec agreed. "But would you really want your car to crash twice a day?"
ManOnFire Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Posted July 21, 2012 [img]http://www.sevennationarmy.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/sw.jpeg[/img]
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