Jokes

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

[ManOnFire]

Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

[ManOnFire]

[color="Red"][b]Drinking Politics[/b][/color]


[color="Blue"]A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

"That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."[/color]

[ManOnFire]

3 Easy Ways to Die :

Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.

[ManOnFire]

A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

[ManOnFire]

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

[ManOnFire]

[color="DarkRed"]Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.[/color]

[ManOnFire]

[color="Green"]Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.[/color]

[ManOnFire]

[color="DarkOrchid"]If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.[/color]

[ManOnFire]

Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE.