ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [font="Comic Sans MS"][size="6"][color="DarkOrchid"]Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.[/color][/size][/font]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][b]Alien Abduction[/b][/color] [color="Blue"]Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?" Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!" Bills says. "What did the alien do to you?" "I don't remeber all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien." Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Carl."[/color]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 THE REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a "Utilities and Entertainment program". Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPFs)." You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 God & Maarwadi...! !! A Maarwadi having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God……. God happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish! Maarwadi : I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child's hands in our new home! God : !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Maarwadis ! Lessons learnt from the above story:- Compile all requirements and present in one line rather boring appraiser for long time.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset. Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?" Grandma hide her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..."
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [color="Red"][b]SHOPPING IN BURMA BAZAR[/b][/color] [b]One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b][color="Red"]FIFTEEN INCHES CURTAIN[/color][/b] [b]Sardarji enters a store that sell curtains. He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but our Sardarji seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Sardarji replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Sardarji tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Sardarji says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows on my computer!"[/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 [b][color="Red"][size="3"]IB, CBI and DELHI POLICE Apprehending Criminals[/size][/color][/b] [b]The IB, CBI and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch. The IB goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The CBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear starts yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit![/b]
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers. Some of them are hysterical.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
ManOnFire Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Posted July 23, 2012 Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
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