Jokes

[ManOnFire]

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

[ManOnFire]

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

[ManOnFire]

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

[ManOnFire]

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/bat.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/bat.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

[ManOnFire]

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/shades.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/evil_laugh.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around. [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/console.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as **** (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much ###### (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of ###### it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough ######, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the ###### you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Management

[ManOnFire]

[b]AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL 1957 vs. 2007[/b]
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

[ManOnFire]

Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

[ManOnFire]

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.