Jokes

[ManOnFire]

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

[ManOnFire]

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

[ManOnFire]

5. I thought that I could love no other
that is until I met your brother.

[ManOnFire]

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

[ManOnFire]

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

[ManOnFire]

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
, I'm good at telling lies!

[ManOnFire]

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

[ManOnFire]

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

[ManOnFire]

I was talking to the 8 year-old daughter of a friend of mine,
and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both
of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so
I asked her, "If you were President what's the first thing
you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless
people."

"Wow - what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have
to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over
to my house and mow the grass, pull weeds, and rake my
yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the
grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you
can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, 'cause after all she's
only 8. And while her Mom glared at me, she looked me
straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless
guy come over and do the work himself, and you can just
pay him the $50?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her folks still aren't talking to me.

[ManOnFire]

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travelled up to Alaska , spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, ' That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I ' m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have ***. '

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, ' That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough ***. '

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said,
'Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you? '

[ManOnFire]

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Get lost, you won't bring it back."

[ManOnFire]

Once upon a time the government with Ruling Party XYZ.. had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.


Ruling Party XYZ Said.. - "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Ruling Party XYZ

Said..

- "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. ,

- "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

- "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they lay off the night watchman.

Moral of the story:
"Current Situation In IT industries"

[ManOnFire]

[b][color="Red"]War Boarder[/color][/b]

[color="Blue"]A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"[/color]

[ManOnFire]

A young fellow on a hiking vacation in England, tired and hungry,

came upon a roadside Inn long after normal business hours.

The sign on the inn read: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out an upstairs window.

"I know it is late, but could I get something to eat?"
The woman glanced at his back pack. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I buy a drink?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least use your bathroom to clean up?"
"No!" she shouted again.

The young hiker said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"Do you suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

[ManOnFire]

There once was a guy who had only one ###### and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, ‘If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!’

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’ He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!


Why ???

Everyone knows…


You can’t kill Two Birds with OneStone [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]