Jokes

[ManOnFire]

Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He calls Advani over and asks him "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!" "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed. He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet.
He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? " He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", says Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."

He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's cabinet is very worried-still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls Clinton. "Mr.President", he says, "Tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Very simple", says Clinton, "It's me!"

"Wonderful!" says the Cabinet member and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".

"What is it?"

"It's Bill Clinton".

"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani".

[ManOnFire]

A Proof of which Gender is Intelligent An English professor wrote the words:
" A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly..

All of the males in the class wrote :
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote :
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful!!

[ManOnFire]

[size="6"][color="Blue"]స్టూడెంట్: మొత్తం మీరే చేసారు. ఇంక చాలు సర్, మీరు మాకు ఇచ్చిన టఫ్ కొశ్చిన్ పేపర్స్ ఇంక చాలు! మీ పేపర్స్ వల్ల జీవితంలో చాలా కోల్పోయాము.

ప్రొఫెసర్: నా వల్లా..? యేం కోల్పోయావురా..?

స్టూడెంట్: ఇంకా అర్ధం కాలేదా మీకు? ఈ కాలేజ్ లో జాయిన్ అవ్వడానికి ముందు నాలో ఉండేది, ఇప్పుడు లేనిది, యేంటో తెలుసా…? “పాస్ అవ్వటం”....! చిన్న చిన్న పరీక్షల్లో కూడా ఫెయిల్ అయ్యాను మీ వల్ల.... ఈ కొశ్చిన్ పేపర్స్ మీరే సెట్ చేస్తారు.. ఈ పేపర్ చాలా ఈజీ అని మీరు నన్నే కన్విన్స్ చేస్తారు.. నాకు ఎలా ఉంటుందో తెలుసా "దానిని చింపి విసిరేసి", నాకు ఒక్క ముక్క కూడా రాదు అని అరవాలనిపించేది.. పరీక్ష రాయి అంటారు.. నేను ఏదో రాద్దామని వస్తే.. మీరు నన్ను ఫెయిల్ చెయ్యాలని చూస్తారు.. పేపర్ లో చాయిస్ ఇవ్వరు..
ఏ కొశ్చిన్ కి ఏ ఆన్సర్ రాయాలొ కూడా మీరె చెప్తే ఇంక నేను ఎందుకు సర్ రాయడం..
చివరికి నేను క్లాస్ లో ఎలా కూర్చోవాలో కూడా మీరే చెప్తే, బుర్రకి ఏమి ఎక్కడం లేదు సర్..

కష్టమైన పేపర్ సెట్ చెయ్యటం లో ఉన్న ఆనందం ఏంటో మీకు తెలుసు. కానీ పేపర్ లో చదివిన కొశ్చిన్స్ లేకపొతే కలిగే బాధ ఏంటో మీకు తెలియదు[/color][/size]

[ManOnFire]

TWO OLD INDIAN MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST
DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD INDIANS AND
WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO
BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE
TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY
GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD INDIAN
MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU
KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"

"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I
WAS LOVING HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A
WITCH."

"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, I WAS MAKING
LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE
NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND
FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."

[ManOnFire]

Democratic differences between USA & India:

In USA you can kiss in public places but cannot ######,
In India you can ###### in public places but cannot kiss!

[ManOnFire]

Twenty-20 - World Cup Final Post match presentation interview between Shastri and winning caption Dhoni
This Is Ultimate


In the post-match presentation, Ravi Shastri to Dhoni "Congratulations to you and the whole Indian team for winning this world cup. You guys have produced a great nail baiting show.. and deserves the cup. We welcome you to share the joy with us."

Dhoni "Thanks Ravi, the match was pretty close encounter between two great teams and our guys held the nerve to win the game and cup."

Shastri, "Who was the main reason for this thrilling victory?"

Dhoni, "All us played well but I would say the main reason and man behind this great victory is Ajit Agarkar"

Shocked Shastri..., "Agarkar ? ? .. how come Agarkar... he didn't played in the final"..

Dhoni, "Yeaph.. that's the reason we won this low scoring match.. if he could have bowled in final, Pakistan would have scored the winning runs from his 4 overs...."

Shastri, "ok.. fine, To whom you want to thank for winning this final..."

Dhoni, "The team doctor deserves the credit... he really helped us to prepare for the final..."

Shastri, "Is it? ?.... how the doctor helped to prepare for the final... he is not the coach or physical trainer...Dhoni.. I am getting confusion"

Dhoni, "Ravi... nothing to confuse... he has failed Sehwag in the fitness test according to our game plan and we managed to pick a good playing team.. thus we weigh the doctor's contribution as very high... infact its better than our team effort in the field.. our game tactic worked well"

Shastri, "To whom you want to dedicate this World Cup?"

Dhoni, "The entire team including myself wants to dedicate this cup to Sachin, Dravid and Ganguly..."

Shastri, "I really really appreciate you... its good that you have so much respect to the seniors....and you ...."

Dhoni interrupts.... "Ravi.. let me complete... India would have exited in the Group matches if they decided to play in the series... thank god they opted out and we managed to play cricket and won the cup.."

Shastri, "The match was thrilling encounter and was concluded by a single mistake of Misbah.. Isn't it? "

Dhoni, "Yes you are right, after lofting the ball Misbah told me that he has send the ball to where there was no one....but he didn't know that there is a malayali in every corner of the world.... This single mistake has costed the game and won the cup..."

Shastri faints and Dhoni receives the CUP and thats the end of the great Twenty-20 world cup....

[ManOnFire]

*Software Engineer Method: *

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.



*Indian Police Method: *

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .




*Rajnikanth Method : *

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.



*Jayalalitha Method: *

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's
sleeping !



*Manirathnam Method (director): *

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark

room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.



*Karan Johar Method (director): *

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd
lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!



*Yash Chopra method (director): *

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.



*Govinda method: *

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.



*Menaka Gandhi method: *

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.



*George bush method: *

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!



* Ravi ** **Shastri method: *

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders


All the best and be careful if ur trying out any.

[ManOnFire]

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept
pace with computer technology over the past few decades, " boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a
V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour." Bill Gates
continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a
gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50." In response
to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that
crashes four times a day?"

[ManOnFire]

Devuda oooo manchi devuda.....nuvvu naaku manchi friends ni icchavu...ilage mana state lo unna motham andhariki ellanti manchi friends ni isthavani, alage mana country lo unna andarikiki , ade chettho prapancham lo unna ????? – naaku number correct ga thelidu, yentha mandi unte antha mandikee isthavani ante as it is ga eelanti friends ni isthavani korukuntunnanu..nuvvu isthavu naaku thelusu, yendukante ...... Basically you are god...you are very good god, anthe – that’s all.

[ManOnFire]

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR
manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You
are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the
application to fill in, as well as date when you may start. The man replied
"But I don't have a computer, neither an email."I'm ", said the HR
manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who
doesn't exist, cannot have the job.The man left with no hope at all.

[ManOnFire]

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to
go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the
tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to
double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home
with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to
go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled
every day.Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet
of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food
retailers in the US.

[ManOnFire]

[color="Purple"]He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When
the conversation was concluded,the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't
have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine
what you could have been if you had an email?!!"The man thought for a while
and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"[/color]

[ManOnFire]

[color="Red"]*Moral of the story:*[/color]

[color="Orange"][color="Plum"]1) Internet is not the solution to your life.
2) If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
3) If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office
boy, than a millionaire...[/color][/color]

[ManOnFire]

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night
and
he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.



Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."



The astonished Chinese man replied,
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,
it was the Japanese".



"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.



In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."



The Chinese replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

[ManOnFire]

[size="5"]What does W-I-F-E mean?

Worst Individual Female Enemy[/size]