Jokes

[ManOnFire]

A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:





HELP WANTED


Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be


bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.


A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and
wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.





Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and
was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you.
The sign says you have to be able to type."





The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out
the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The
manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign also says you have to be good with a
computer."





The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect
spreadsheet that worked flawlessly the first time.





By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that
you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you
the job."





The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being
an Equal Opportunity Employer.





The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at that
manager calmly and said, "Meow."

[ManOnFire]

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one

day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.



As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.



The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the

beast out and headed home.



Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!



He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat

him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then

left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he

reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the

cat there.



Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"



"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"



Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that idiot on the phone, I'm

lost and need directions!"

[ManOnFire]

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his

mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is
your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby
in your stomach?"

She answered, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look,
asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, "Then why did you

eat him?"

[ManOnFire]

Approaching the woman at a single’s bar, the young man said, “Hi cookie. How about a date?”
“Forget it,” she said. “I never go out with a perfect stranger.”
“We are both in luck,” he said. I’m far from perfect.

[ManOnFire]

A man walked into a restaurant and orders a chicken soup bowl a while later the waiter brings it to him. The old man quickly calls him back and says "waiter taste the soup" the waiter says "well what’s wrong with it" "just taste the soup" the old man insisted". "Well what's wrong with the soup is it to hot to cold, what"! "Just taste the soup said the old man". "Oh, all right where's the spoon".

[ManOnFire]

Bill Gates announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in telangana. Here are some Windows related terms that are proposed to be used in the telangana version of
"kitkeel rendvel" (Windows2000):

Just read and enjoy core telangana words.This will change your mood.

Keywords:

Microsoft windows 2000=ginta anta metha kitkeel
rendvel

search = devulaadu

Save = bachainchu

Save as = gitla bachainchu

Save All = anni bachainch

Help=Nannu bachainchu

Find=ethku

Find Again=malla ethku

Move=sarkainch

Zoom=peddagachei

Zoom Out=shinnagachei

Open=tervu

Close=mooi

New=kothadi

Old=pathadi

Replace=maarcheyi

Insert= Nadimitla vettu

space=jaaga

Backspace=enka jaaga

Run=vurku

Print=acchu

Print Preview=choosi accheyi

Copy=gatlane/Dinchu

Cut=koi

Paste=atki

Paste Special=peshal atki

Delete=teesipadey

View=soodu

Tools=mutlu

Toolbar=mutla gottam

Exit=igavori

Compress=gunju

mouse=elka

click=vothu

Double Click=malla malla vothu

Forward=idkelli aadki

Scrollbar=thippudu gottam

Errors=nee notla mannu vada

Double Click with the left mouse button= elka chevvu
voka mali

eddam dikku malla malla vothale

'This program has performed an illegal operation
*"Abort, Retry

or Ignore" ? " ==== ee karyam dongalekkaku vattindi, jaldi voorku

lekunte malla kottu leka marshipo

ACCESS =dorkavattu

FOXPRO =nakkalekkal turumkhan

Lotus Notes=thamarpuv paisal

ACCESS DENIED =dorkavattaneeya

Home=intiki vo

end=konaaki

For all Errors=nee notla mannu vada

[ManOnFire]

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off

to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look
at
his car.


The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come
over
here for a minute."


The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

;


>


The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me

is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

.
.
.
.
.
.


He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/evil_laugh.gif[/img]".

[ManOnFire]

[b][i]Murphy's Laws of Computing[/i][/b]


When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

*

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

*

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect
to find it.

*

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

*

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

*

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

*

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system
that worked just fine.

*

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

*

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

[ManOnFire]

Things to do II
Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
21. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

[ManOnFire]

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

[ManOnFire]

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
4. Always give people a friendly greeting.
5. If it's not wet and sloppy...it's not a good kiss.

[ManOnFire]

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.


You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!

[ManOnFire]

Student: I would love for you to teach me a foreign language.
Teacher: Certainly. French, German, Russian, Italian, Spanish?
Student: Oh, which is the most foreign?

[ManOnFire]

A guy took his girl friend to her first Longhorn football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied,
"Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: get the quarterback. Get the quarterback! It’s only 25 cents!

[ManOnFire]

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."