Jokes

[ManOnFire]

[b]Professor at IIMs explaining marketing concepts to Students[/b]

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing "

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's
Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand
and supply gap "

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering
new markets"

[ManOnFire]

Ah Beng went to take night courses with the reasoning in future can get
promotion or better job.
During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge.

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already,
next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.

Then Ah Beng started show off...

Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take
night
courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless*


The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions", nah nah nah... told you
already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*


The next day, once again...

Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la. He's the
author
of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated

This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and ask Ah Beng...

Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses,
you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

[ManOnFire]

witty answers
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.









Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer : No, I can't.

Waiter : Then does it really matter?









Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.









Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.









Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.

Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?









Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?

Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.









Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?









Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take

this train to New Delhi.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.







Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and

the game went into extra time.









Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.











A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a

commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have

a scotch and soda."









Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in

two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.









An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.









Girl : Do you love me?

Boy : Yes Dear.

Girl : Would you die for me?

Boy : No, mine is undying love.









1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.









Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.









Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the

field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.









Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.









Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,

shouting,



"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"

"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.

"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."

"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and

20 in science."

[ManOnFire]

[font="Comic Sans MS"][size="4"][color="DarkRed"]Bollywood Love Letter


When I am: Kareeb

There is only: Khamoshi

I want to speak: Dil Se

That's my kind of: Ishq

I want this to be: Gupt

As I always have: Darr

That I will loose you: Sajani

And that would be great: Sadma

I am your: Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit: Deewana

Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya

May be : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as: Dushman

But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha[/color][/size][/font]

[ManOnFire]

Future Telugu Movie Titles:
Gals already evaraina post chesi untay jus ignore...........


Future Telugu Movie Titles:

Onsite andagaadu Offshore chinnadi,

office lo Java-intlo baava,

Attaku Sybase Ammayiki D-Base,

Fire aina Mogudu Job vachhina pellam,

Priyudu nerpina PASCAL,

Project dorakani Papa,

India vellalani undi,

Gova lo Java,

Ma aayana SAP,

Yemandi mailochindi,

Oka computer iddaru programmerlu,

Ninne debug chesta,

Data clean chesukundam ra,

COBOL kaatesindi ,

Lotus lo lolli,

SAPsangamam,

Job-e-kaavaali,...

Nee Password Naaku Telsu!!!,

Manager Harischandra Prasad,

Programergaaru baagunnara ???,

Priyuraliki oka E-Mail,

Virus leni manishi,

Bhale client.

Review cheddam raa,...

... naaku already job vundi,..

Patnam vachina programmers

[ManOnFire]

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself
treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic,
see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal
specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk
like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep vigilantly like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you a Software Engineer ?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me
in the begining itself that you are are an engineer.
Come on man, no one can treat you better than me.[img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/evil_laugh.gif[/img]: [img]http://www.telugutorrents.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ManOnFire]

5 Star Hotel

Why One Should Never Visit a Five Star Hotel...

Question: What would you like to have... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?
Answer: Tea please.

Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea.

Question: How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer: White

Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?
Answer: With milk.

Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk
Answer: With cow milk please.

Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Um, I'll take it black.

Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.

Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.

Question: White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.

Question: Mineral water or still water?
Answer: Mineral water.

Question: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: I'll rather die of thirst.



Source : SB

[ManOnFire]

A Proud Indian

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception.

A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita.

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.

"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."

The teacher is now angry.

"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile.

"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."



Source: SB

[ManOnFire]

[center]
[center][b][font="Arial"][font="Times New Roman"][size="7"][color="#000000"][color="#0080ff"]J[/color]ob re[color="#ff0000"]j[/color]ected?[/color][/size][/font][/font][/b][/center]


[center][b][font="Arial"][font="Comic Sans MS"][color="#000000"]Next time your application for a job is rejected...


Dear [[color="#008000"]Interviewer' s Name[/color] ]:


Thank you for your letter of [[color="#ff0000"]Date of Interview[/color] ].


After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.


Despite [ Firm's Name ]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.


Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.


Sincerely ,
[[color="#000080"]Your Name[/color] ][/color][/font][/font][/b][/center]

[ManOnFire]

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50.

Exasperated, she exclaims, "Only bad luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won!

He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!

[ManOnFire]

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
"That customer`s going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

[ManOnFire]

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker].

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2 pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxy lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated...

He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

[ManOnFire]

A guy goes to an interview.
He is asked, "Where would you like to be in our organization".
The candidate replied "In the interview board".
The interviewer says "Are you mad?"
The candidate "Is it one of the prerequisites"?

[ManOnFire]

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice.
The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."
The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens.
The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."
Again the man ignores the voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, the man hears the same voice when he gets home from work:
"Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."
Each time the man hears the voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure. He does quit his job, sells his house, and takes his money and heads to Vegas.
The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah’s."
So, he hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrah’s. As soon as he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."
The man does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."
Nervously, the man cashes in his money for chips and then puts them all on 17. The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number... 21.
The voice says, "######."

[ManOnFire]

A guy walks into a bookstore. Not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest.

A book, with a very interesting title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want."

So he picks it up and opens it to a random page.

"Chapter 1 The First Date."

So, he glances the chapter over for a few minutes, and rushes out of the bookstore to call a friend whom he's wanted to ask out for quite a while.

When he gets home, picks up the phone and calls her.

She answers, "Hello?"

He says, "Hi, Mona? It's me. Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?"

She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that."

He gets excited. He thought she'd say, "No Way!" but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further.

He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?"

She replies, "Sure, that would be great too!"

"Fine, I'll pick you up about 9, you should have finished eating by then!"